July 2014 - Page 2 of 11 - I Hate Working In Retail

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10 GUARANTEED WAYS TO SERIOUSLY ANGER YOUR BARISTA

Coffee shops function as surrogate offices. As places to meet people and jitter together while discussing poetry or something. But the more people get comfortable with their favorite cafe, the more they abuse the place, treating it like their living room sans the sweet bean bag chairs. And stuck playing Mom in that over-caffeinated living room is some poor barista who’s forced to be nice to your dumb ass because you provide tips. The following 10 behaviors are surefire ways to seriously piss off these hard-working bean-grinders… and, if you’re a culprit, you might be getting more than just coffee and milk in that double, soy half-caff latte.

1. Ordering like you’re at Starbucks
Outside of Starbucks, the word “grande” is reserved for burritos, and the word “venti” is baby talk. And if you order a macchiato at an authentic coffee shop, you’re not gonna get a jug of hot milk & coffee w/ enough caramel to make the spoon stick up. You’re getting a shot of espresso w/ a little milk in it. Go ahead and complain… you’ll go from pissing off the barista to making his day because you refuse to believe in a world outside of your bubble.
2. Leaving your dishes on the serving counter
You may be trying to be helpful, but by ignoring the gigantic bus tub with the “DISHES HERE” sign in bold, you’re creating a mess. The barista has to clear off the counter before finishing whatever drink he’s making, then scrub the counter down because you just soiled it.
3. Talking on your phone in line…
… or anywhere, really. If it’s an important call, go outside. It’s not. Nobody gives a crap about what you ate for breakfast. Nobody wants to hear you baby-talking to your dog on the answering machine. And nobody wants to wait extra-long for their drink because you’re too busy gabbing to pay attention and act like a human being.
4. Ordering overcomplicated milk combinations
Pick a milk and stick with it. Want soy? Fine. Want half & half? Fine. But don’t be the d-bag who orders 1/3 skim, 1/3 soy, 1/3 whole milk, then gets impatient when it takes extra time to make because you’re dominating the steamers… because you’re 100% a pain in the ass.
5. Ordering nothing but water and staying all day
You’ve seen this dude. He’ll park at a six-top table, grab a glass of water, then unload the contents of a backpack on all six spaces at the table, plug his computer into an outlet three tables away (creating a tripping hazard), then sit there all day drinking water like a camel. When he leaves, the table’s covered in empty glasses, torn paper, and crumbs from the snacks he packed from home. Somebody has to clean up after him. That person’s not very happy.
6. Dumping liquids in the trash
Once again ignoring the gigantic “DISHES HERE” sign, these folks think a trash bag is a sink. At the end of the shift, when baristas take out the trash as the last task of the evening, these bags’ll eventually rip (if they’re biodegradable bags, it’s almost guaranteed), leaving a trail of rank coffee and garbage streaked across the freshly cleaned floor. They’ll then spend every stroke of the mop trying to figure out who you are and plotting their revenge.
7. Bringing out your guitar
No. No no no. Never. No guitar, no ukulele, no violin, no nothing. Don’t even tap on the table. You are the worst person on the face of the Earth.
8. Tipping a nickel
Baristas do amazing things, typically for minimum wage. They wake you up in the morning. They toast your bagel. They pretend to like you. They make dainty floral designs on your foam. Yet some people see fit to tip them a nickel and, even worse, make sure the barista is looking as they put the change in the jar just so they can see how generous Daddy Warbucks really is. If this is you, don’t be surprised if that floral design soon becomes an “F U” design.
9. Imagining you have a real, non-customer-service relationship
Sometimes, a customer can forge a real amazing friendship w/ a barista. Maybe they’ll even hook up. But just because you see somebody every day at their place of work doesn’t mean you should get them a BFF locket. Or stalk them on Facebook. Or call them. Or spend your daily existence cornering them at the counter where they’re paid to be polite to you. If this person is your friend, they’ll give you their number.
10. Making a ghetto latte
We get it. Times are tough. But there’s nothing more obnoxious than ordering a shot of espresso, then requesting ice to put in it (after tipping that shiny new nickel), then going over to the cream and making yourself the poor-man’s latte, spilling cream and sugar all over the place in the process. You get a nasty, heavy-cream latte for a discounted price. The barista gets a crappy tip and the task of cleaning up your mess… right after he fills up the cream for the fifth time since you got there.

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20 Reasons Working Retail In The Summer Is The Worst

1. Summer nights are great…for staying at your store folding clothing.

You get to do a perfect fold, while everyone else is at a bar.

2. It’s 85 degrees out and a perfect summer day — time to hit the beach!! Except for you.

You get to stay inside and help other people pick out their beach clothing!

3. Every time it’s a federal holiday, most of your friends go away while you get to deal with crazy sales.

They’ll come back “refreshed” and you’ll still be under the pile of clothing from the Fourth of July sale.

4. Your 20% discount is useless because why would you buy summer clothing you can’t appreciate?

5. It’s really hot outside but you have to dress like it’s below 40 degrees because your store is that cold.

Leaving the house without at least one sweater and scarf means you’ll be a popsicle by noon.

6. Everyone has a nice summer tan, but you look like you haven’t seen the sun in over a year.

20 Reasons Working Retail In The Summer Is The Worst

Paramount Pictures / Via ldarknessl.tumblr.com

By the time Halloween rolls around, you can dress up as a ghost without even trying.

7. You spend most of your paycheck on eating out for lunch just to try and get rid of your paleness.

Feeling the sun on your skin for thirty minutes is your version of laying on the beach.

8. Your floor manager is your best friend and worst enemy since they control your schedule.

The only thing you’ve seen grilled all summer is the floor manager grilling you.

9. Your friends keep asking you to day drink but that phrase has lost all meaning to you.

20 Reasons Working Retail In The Summer Is The Worst

Hartswood Films / Via allthesherlockgifs.tumblr.com

And every time you can do something fun like that, it’s either always raining or your friends are busy.

10. While some like to sleep in on the weekends, you get to wake up at 9 a.m. for an early shift to do inventory.

20 Reasons Working Retail In The Summer Is The Worst

Universal Pictures / Via alexandriadare.tumblr.com

Nothing says “school’s out!” like still waking up at your normal hour.

11. “Happy hour” means getting out before midnight on a weekday.

20 Reasons Working Retail In The Summer Is The Worst

NBC Universal / Via gifsfln.tumblr.com

You’re even luckier if you’re in bed by one a.m.

12. Most of your friends complain about being SO BORED at home, while you’d give anything to be bored for one second.

Every time your manager finds you bored at work, you end up doing more cleaning at work than you do at home.

13. Your Instagram is full of other people going on vacation with their family, while you can’t remember the last time you were home for dinner.

Your parents have even stopped asking you what you want for dinner since you won’t be around.

14. Oh there’s a new video game? Have fun playing it for five minutes during your lunch break.

20 Reasons Working Retail In The Summer Is The Worst

Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation / Via awesomelyluvvie.com

It’s like having a Tamagotchi in elementary school all over again.

15. Free concerts? For you mean listening to the store’s summer playlist on repeat for the next three months.

20 Reasons Working Retail In The Summer Is The Worst

If you try really hard, it’s ALMOST like your own private show.

16. Some of your friends have planned a road trip but the only road you’ll be seeing is your commute to your job every day.

20 Reasons Working Retail In The Summer Is The Worst

Universal Pictures / Via rphelper.tumblr.com

“The road not taken” suddenly has new meaning and it means FOMO.

17. “Water fights” means someone’s clogged up the toilet again.

And guess who gets to clean it? YOU!

18. If you want to go camping or do any kind of outdoor activity, you have to make sure it’s planned at least a month in advance so you can request time off.

Otherwise, it’s like you asked to go kayaking an hour before calling out from work.

19. The only time you catch anything you want to watch on Netflix is during the bleak ten minutes when you first get home work.

20 Reasons Working Retail In The Summer Is The Worst

Nicktoons Productions / Via fuckyeahreslife.tumblr.com

Your eyes are telling you to go to sleep but you keep going anyways.

20. While your friends are enjoy the sweet smell of freedom and sea salt at the beach, you’re stuck inhaling the cologne from Hollister.

20 Reasons Working Retail In The Summer Is The Worst

NBC Universal / Via gifsgifsforme.tumblr.com

The smell follows you home even if you never entered the store.

But even though you’ll be spending your summer indoors, you’ll be making money to enjoy someday!

You can do it — only one more month!

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Why Waiters Only Make $2 An Hour, Explained By A Cartoon

 

We’ve all had bad bosses, but the ones represented by this obnoxious cartoon man are like rotten hell babies.

 

Sourced from upworthy.com