23 Things All Former Video Store Employees Know To Be True
1. The best perk in the world was hiring movies for free.
2. … In mass quantities, because you considered the store an extension of your personal collection.
3. And keeping them all for weeks, much to the dismay of your boss, who was like…
4. You also worked the system by charging snacks to your account, which you never planned to pay off.
5. This scene from Clerks is the most accurate thing you have ever seen, and you’ve seen A LOT, because hello, you worked at a video store.
6. You’ve seen nearly every film within the realm of your interest range from the time that you worked there.
7. … Regardless of its quality.
8. Friends ask you for movie recommendations and you get way too excited.
9. You would never get to bed at a regular hour, as you’d finish late and stay up all night watching movies.
10. Having first pick of the new releases made you feel like a ~VIP~.
11. Every now and then your boss would ask you to clean the store. You’d be like:
… And then sort of walk aimlessly around the store while holding cleaning products.
12. Calling all the people on the overdue list was a tedious, slow-release nightmare…
13. … But it helped you perfect the art of sounding chipper while having an uncomfortable conversation.
“Hi, this is Stephanie from Blockbuster video! I’m just calling because you’ve got the movie Torque, and it’s actually 72 days overdue??”
“I never hired that.”
“Actually, sir, I remember hiring it out to you, and asking you to return it two weeks ago when you were in the store last, and you didn’t deny hiring it then, sooo…?”
14. It also taught you how to cope with a customer loudly berating you on a Saturday night in front of a line of 25 customers, while you’re working by yourself, over a 50 cent late fee.
“I’m sixteen years old and being paid minimum wage to deal with you, but would you like me to pay your FIFTY CENT fine out of my purse in front of all these customers you’re holding up while you berate me? Because I can afford it. Also I remember you bringing the movie back late because it happened three days ago.”
15. You’re really, really skilled at answering questions like “You know that movie? The one with that guy from that show? It was on a few weeks ago, you must’ve seen it. You KNOW THE ONE I MEAN!”
16. You also have a bizarre knack for recalling obscure things about movie covers that help you locate them quickly.
“Do you have The Tracker?”
“Oh yeah! I saw it just before”
*locates DVD by the font on the spine of the case*
17. Sometimes, you’d get drunk on power and experience a teensy, tiny amount of pleasure in calling a teenager’s parents to request permission to rent them an R-rated movie, and then having to relay to them that their parent said no.
… In front of all their friends.
18. The tapes played on a loop were the devil.
The same hour of previews, and two music videos, every hour, for eight hours, four times a week. You still can’t listen to any of the songs that were the featured music videos, because they haunted you in your dreams for long months after they’d been retired from the loop tape.
19. Preview tapes, on the other hand…
Watching the next month’s releases before they come out? Yes, please.