Mcdonlads Archives - I Hate Working In Retail


22 Secrets McDonald’s Employees Will Never Tell You

1. Big Mac sauce contains all the ingredients of a Big Mac, except beef.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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And there’s supposed to be a slice of pickle in every bite. Soz, gherkin haters.

2. It’s really hard to feel good about yourself in a hairnet.

3. The rest of the uniform’s not much of a confidence booster either.

The rest of the uniform's not much of a confidence booster either.

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Those high-waisted trousers .

4. People seem to get off on asking you how many stars you have.

People seem to get off on asking you how many stars you have.

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You’d have 25 stars for not punching people who ask you stupid questions if badge stars were even still a thing.

5. But not as much as they’ll enjoy telling you how chicken nuggets are really made.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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6. You look forward to being put on the dining area shift because it allows ample opportunity for hiding in the toilets.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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“I’m just checking them”.

7. It takes less than 30 seconds to cook a McDonald’s burger patty from frozen.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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8. And there’s no such thing as “flipping” burgers, because they’re cooked from both sides at once.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You

They go in a grill like a giant George Foreman.

9. There’s nothing like the pain of burning your fingers every time you try to fish out a bun that’s stuck to the toaster.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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10. Except for the agony of catching your elbow on the corner of a chip pan when you tip out a fresh batch of fries.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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11. You’ll spend your entire shift snaffling fries on the sly when you think nobody’s looking.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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12. Or sometimes the odd chicken nugget if you’re lucky.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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13. But then still eat the entire food allowance for your shift when your break comes around.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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14. You dread your shift coinciding with pub closing time because that’s when you get the worst weirdos.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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15. You’ll always get some chump ordering “a Big Mac, plain, but with ketchup”.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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So, not a Big Mac, then. A Big Mac doesn’t even have ketchup!

16. This:

17. You find yourself deliberately ignoring customers who shout, “Helloooooo” into the drive-thru speaker if you don’t take their order within half a second.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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18. You dread anyone ordering a Filet-O-Fish because you’ll have to cook it to order every time.

You dread anyone ordering a Filet-O-Fish because you'll have to cook it to order every time.

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Because who the eff ever orders a Filet-O-Fish?

19. Especially if you wear glasses, because steaming the bun will cloud them right up.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You

20. Trying not to lose patience with people who wait until they’re at the front of a long queue to decide what they want is a serious test.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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21. Not quite as much as being polite to customers who complain about not having fresh fries, and then complain about waiting for fresh fries to cook, though.

22 Secrets McDonald's Employees Will Never Tell You
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22. But it’s mostly worth putting up with, because free burgers!

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And of course, money and a job.

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You know what they say about fast food, right? They make it fast. And when you rush a job, chances are that things will go wrong. In the ten examples that follow, we’ll tell you about fast food customers who got some very unwelcome special orders added to their meals.

Editor’s Note: We may need to update this list after this news story recently broke – “Canadian Man Finds Dead Mouse in Cup of McDonald’s Coffee

Human Blood in Taco Bell
grossest things found in fast food, blood in taco bell
Once you read this story, you’ll make a run away from the border. Briana Ralston went to a Louisville combination KFC and Taco Bell to pick up an affordable meal for herself and her 1-year-old daughter. They got the food to go, but while they were eating at home Ralston noticed that there were odd red smears all over the taco wrappers and the bag they came in. She called the restaurant where a manager discovered that one of the employees had gashed their finger open and leaked blood all over Ralston’s food. Needless to say, her next two calls were to the Health Department and a lawyer.

Chicken Head in McDonald’s McNuggets
grossest things found in fast food, mcnuggets chicken head
Fast food restaurants don’t typically make anything from scratch-their meals are produced in massive factories that process ingredients as quickly as possible. While they use quality control methods to make sure those chicken nuggets are as uniform as possible, nobody’s perfect. But the screw-up that slipped through all the way to a McDonald’s in 2000 was one step beyond. Katherine Ortega bought a large order of nuggets from a Newport News McDonald’s and took them home to feed her kids, only to shake a deep-fried chicken head out of the box and onto the plate. That’s not white meat, obviously.

Bullets in Costco Hot Dogs
grossest things found in fast food, bullets in costco hot dog
Warehouse store Costco isn’t a fast food chain per se, but they do serve up large amounts of fast food at their snack bars, and this story is too warped to leave out. In 2004, a woman named Olivia Chanes was shopping at the Irvine, Calif., Costco when she started craving a snack. She settled on a hot dog and, after putting her condiments on the Hebrew National frank, started eating. A few bites in, she felt something hard in her teeth and pulled out a live 9mm bullet. She was freaked out, but things got worse when she began having abdominal pains and was taken to the hospital, where doctors discovered that she’d actually swallowed another live round from inside the hot dog!

Syringe in Burger King Breakfast Sandwich
grossest things found in fast food, syringe in burger king breakfast sandwich
When you’re in a hurry to get to work, sometimes a breakfast sandwich at a fast food place is the only option. But don’t eat too fast, or else you might find an unpleasant surprise. In 2001, Angelina Cruz went into a Burger King in Queens for a quick sausage and egg breakfast sandwich. As she chewed, she felt something hard inside her cheek and spit the bite out. Lodged in the half-eaten wad of food was a needle tip from a syringe that had pricked her cheek. She wrapped the foreign object in a napkin, but the damage was done and Cruz told the press that she was terrified of the prospect of catching a disease from the medical waste.

Human Skin in Arby’s Sandwich
grossest things found in fast food, skin in arby's sandwich
Arby’s is one of those fast food franchises that you rarely hear about people eating at, yet they seem to be everywhere. They’re famous for their roast beef, but you might want to stay away from the chicken. In 2005, David Scheiding headed into an Arby’s in Tipp City, Ohio, and got himself a chicken sandwich. After a few bites, he noticed the meat felt unusual, reached inside and pulled out a scrap of bloody human skin with a fingerprint on the end. He confronted the manager, who admitted that he’d cut himself shredding lettuce and didn’t notice that a chunk of his right thumb was in with the mixed greens. Unsurprisingly, Scheiding got himself a lawyer and sued.

Fried Mice in Popeye’s Chicken
grossest things found in fast food, fried mice in popeyes chicken
The kitchen at a fast food restaurant is a paradise for vermin. With so much fatty, salty, starchy food being served (and dropped), scavengers can do very well for themselves if they stay out of sight. But danger also abounds. The Popeye’s Chicken in Baltimore City had been closed down for health violations several times before 2003, but that didn’t stop Tony Hill from going in for a three-piece meal in September. While he ate his chicken, Hill discovered a little something extra-a mouse who had fallen into the fryer and been sizzled to a crisp. Thankfully, he didn’t bite down on the wayward rodent.

Painkillers in Burger King Sandwiches
grossest things found in fast food, painkillers in burger king sandwiches
The case of a Burger King employee named Woody Duclos is one of the weirdest things we’ve ever heard. Duclos got busted in 2010 when a customer felt something strange in her chicken sandwich, spat it out and discovered it was a small blue pill. She took it to a fire station where they identified it as the powerful painkiller hydrocodone. Another man found a pill in a fish sandwich, and the drug-laced food was traced back to Duclos. He was sentenced to five years in prison, but prosecutors couldn’t ever figure out exactly why he wanted to dope up his customers.

Nail in a McDonald’s Burger
grossest things found in fast food, nails in mcdonald's sandwich
Fast food franchising is a global enterprise, and you can get the familiar menu items at McDonalds restaurants all over the world. And that brings with it the same food safety issues, as Swedish man Yushuf Bercil discovered in 2010. Bercil went to a Golden Arches in Gothenburg for a burger, bit down and immediately felt a sharp pain in the roof of his mouth. Not realizing what was happening, he took a second bite and felt even more pain. Reaching into his mouth, Bercil pulled out a ¾-inch nail that had become lodged between his tooth and his gum. He threw up, told the manager and decided to boycott fast food from that point on.

Band-Aid on a Pizza Hut Slice
grossest things found in fast food, band-aid on pizza
The idea of eating a used Band-Aid is one of the most repulsive things we can think of, so our hearts go out to Ken Wieczerza of Ballston Lake, New York. Ken ordered a large supreme pizza from the Clifton Park Pizza Hut but couldn’t finish it, so he put the leftovers in the fridge for later. Feeling peckish the next day, he went in for a cold slice and bit down, only to notice a strange feeling on his teeth. Pulling the slice away, he discovered a bloody blue Band-Aid baked right into the crust. He stowed the disgusting piece of pizza in a plastic bag in the fridge and complained to the company.

Finger in Wendy’s Chili
grossest things found in fast food, wendy's chili finger
Most cases of gross objects in fast food can, as we’ve seen, be traced back to the kitchen. But sometimes it’s the diners themselves, as this tale illustrates. In 2005, a Las Vegas woman named Anna Ayala ordered a cup of chili at Wendy’s, which for some reason still serves chili. Sitting down to eat it, she freaked out the whole restaurant screaming when a spoonful came up with a severed human finger. Nobody in the kitchen was missing one, so it was quite the mystery for police and the health department. Six weeks later, they figured it out: it belonged to a man who lost it in an accident at work and gave the digit to Ayala’s husband. The couple cooked up a scam to sue Wendy’s for bank, but ended up charged with attempted grand larceny.

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Ten Things To Do In McDonalds When its Dead


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Ten things to do in McDonalds when it’s dead

Relying on McDonalds for your income may lead you to suffer poverty, cuts and burns, possibly even a breakdown. All this is pretty desperate, but never underestimate the effect of the tedium, the horrific Boredom, the mind numbing monotony. It’s imperative that you think up some ways to pass the time. What you can do on a shift will be largely determined by where you work and how busy it is, but here are a few suggestions:

1. The frozen phallus

Timeless entertainment for the whole family. Take a wet border cloth and mould it into a shape of your choice. The penis is the classic and most obvious option but you could potentially choose anything. Then leave it in the freezer for a few hours before returning to collect a large frozen phallus! Entertain work mates and customers with this amusing prop.

2. Chess

Bring in a travel chess set and find someone else on the shift who wants to play. Hide the set in an obscure place and slip away to make a move whenever you can, before notifying your opponent that you’ve played and waiting to hear from her/ him that it’s your turn. A game can last a whole shift and begin to take on great importance.

3. Who’s really popped a rocket?

A complex and sophisticated game guaranteed to amuse colleagues while frustrating management. Everyone sticks objects down their trousers before another employee has to guess which worker has genuinely hit on a stiffy and who’s just got a border cloth in their pants. This isn’t just a game for the boys, a variation is ‘who’s really been to the freezer and who’s just got things stuffed in their bra?’. VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Never make anyone play either version of the game if you think they might not want to or might feel pressured into it. Never comment on other people’s bodies if you are concerned it might cause offence or might be experienced as harassment. That shit’s not right. However, having a strong respect for people’s personal boundaries needn’t put an end to workplace flirting. There’s nothing like a bit of sexual tension to get you through the working day. More flirting! More sex between employees! Just make sure that it’s always mutually appreciated and is never done in a way that could be experienced as bullying or hurtful. As a wee aside, the old McDonalds crew handbook used to have a bit that stated “McDonalds do not object to employees dating so long as this does not interfere with their work”. Gee, that’s good of them, just how much do these pricks think they can control us?

4. Bun Tray Roulette

Guaranteed to make a kitchen shift seem shorter. One crew member writes a forfeit on a tray liner and hides the liner in amongst the bun trays. Next, shuffle the trays well before everyone carries on cooking as normal. Whoever exposes the tray liner has to perform he forfeit written on it. It could be anything- “tell the store manager he fucks chickens”, “make romantic overtures to the next customer served at till 5” etc. After completing the forfeit he crew member gets to write down another one, knowing that she/ he could have to perform it as well.

5. Hide and seek

A great fun game that anyone can play. Simply desert your designated station, preferably at a busy time, and take up a position in the obscurest part of the store you can think of. Dream up some half baked reason to be there (“I was on the roof because I was looking for cones…”).   After a while a manager will notice you are missing and will try to find you. It’s then up to other crew members to feed the manager as much misinformation as possible: “I saw her in the backroom”, “no, she was wearing her jacket on DA”. Whoever manages to evade service for the longest is declared the winner.

6. Time card bingo

Everyone on front counter gets a bingo card with various numbers on it. The person on wrap and call then puts random time cards in the production bin. “69, everyone’s favourite, etc.”. The rules are just like normal bingo! The beauty of this game is that after a while a stern faced manager will complain “what the fuck’s this supposed to be? Are you playing bingo with the time cards? Which is guaranteed to cause amusement.

7. Buzz word bingo

This one is reserved for crew meetings, rap sessions, etc. Again everyone gets a bongo card but this time instead of numbers the card contains buzz words! For example: “opportunities”,  “teamwork”, “profitability”, “family”, “customer satisfaction” and other banal corporate bollocks. Again the rules are otherwise like normal bingo, just tick off the words as the meeting leader inevitably utters them. Be sure to make it obvious that you are playing this game as a way of expressing your total contempt for their pointless, sham meetings.

8. Split the deck

You will need a pack of playing cards. Simply split the deck and whoever gets the lowest card has to take a big sniff of ‘time out’ or some other toxic cleaning substance. After a bit everyone is buzzing out their nut, brilliant! Alternatively you can play this game with a couple of bottles of vodka stashed in the crew room, or with a couple of grams of amphetamines. Substance abuse helps pass the time and staves off the indescribable numbness produced by hours of pointless and degrading tedium.

9. Cross dressing capers

This one started when some female employees (hostesses and FMs) quite rightly got pissed off with being expected to wear skirts just so that senior managers can make them bend over and perv on them. It’s discrimination to make people wear certain clothes on the basis of their sex. So, the same can be extended to the stupid clip on things we’re supposed to wear. Guys swap with girls! Almost instantly a manager will get a wee bit upset:   “what are you wearing that for?” “I don’t think my clothing should be determined by gender definitions imposed on me.” “er… what?” “it’s discriminatory to make us wear different clothes because of our biological sex” “eh… well.. you look like a faggot” “oh that’s nothing, you should see the thong I’ve got on” “faggot, goddamned queer, faggot, etc.”  At which point you make an official complaint that you are being harassed because of your sexuality. It doesn’t matter whether you’re as camp as a row of tents, a bisexual femme into S&M, or straight as an arrow with a wife and kids, but that’s the point- it doesn’t matter, it’s none of their fucking business… And it’s good for a laugh.

10. And, Courtesy of MWR in Wales…

Also, here are a couple of new scams courtesy of MWR Wales- On a close when its dark, you and a colleague dress up looking like thiefs, take the car keys belonging to the best car owned by a wanker manager, and get someone to scream (example) “your cars being nicked!”. Of course when they run out, simply take the joke as far as you want, whether it be simply putting the key in the ignition, or driving the car around the corner, abandoning it, and returning to your station via the back door! it does work! Also, when you have a manager that gets really stressed grab a mobile ring the store, and tell him/her that you are from a local newspaper and you have received a complaint about spitting in burgers/sexual haraassment/slave labour etc, again take it as far as you want!!!



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