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Target Now Sells Fifty Shades Cock Rings Next to Kids Toothbrushes

Target Now Sells Fifty Shades Cock Rings Next to Kids' Toothbrushes 

Target knows you’re a busy parent on the go, so when it comes to shopping, you don’t want to waste your time going from aisle to aisle to collect your kid’s toothbrushes, mouthwash and Fifty Shades of Grey marital aids. That’s why they put all of your needs into one place. They’re always thinking of you.

This picture, snapped by a reader in Tulsa, Oklahoma, is probably just a mistake, but also kind of genius. If your kids are using cute toothbrushes (useless for adults, by the way—I bought a singing Little Mermaid one and it did nothing for me) they probably don’t know what mommy and daddy (or any combination of parents) will be using the whips, chains and blindfolds for.

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 .@Target think you might want to move the vibrating cock rings a bit further from the children’s tooth brushes

Of course, if you don’t let them know that those special lotions and vibrating rings are for special parent time only, they might do what one of my friend’s little brothers did once. He took us to the bathroom, where he showed us the funniest thing that a three-year-old could find: a giant double-ended dildo. Fun for the entire family, but mostly for the adults.

The best part, of course, is that according to our tipster, there’s a huge sign screaming “check this out” like no one’s going to notice this display first thing. I would. I would be there picking shit over and cackling loudly in a heartbeat. Did you learn nothing from Play-Doh, Target?

My only real issue? $15 for a branded blindfold? Don’t you think that’s putting your guests into bondage that’s more financial than sexual? I’ll give you $4.99 and that’s my last offer.

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Target Called, Your Photos Are Done

First we had Walmart call with a batch of the craziest, weirdest and most completely ridiculous family portraits ever… Walmart called, your photos are done.

Now Target is calling with their own photos and taking crazy to a whole new level…You’ll laugh so hard you’ll hurt your eyes!


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These Pictures Show Why Target Canada Were Such a Failure.

Just look at all those empty shelves.

Belus Capital Advisors

Target is giving up on Canada. The retailer announced today that it would close all 133 of its stores north of the border, which have been losing money since it arrived in the country less than two years ago, boldly venturing into its first international expansion.

By all accounts, the adventure has been an unmitigated disaster—a story of a company trying to accomplish too much, too fast, with too little thought. Target opened 124 stores at once in 2013. Rather than build its own real estate, it purchased leases on buildings that had belonged to Zellers, a “dying low-end retailer,” as Fortune puts it, whose locations were “dumpy, poorly configured for Target’s big-box layout, and were in areas not frequented by the middle class customers Target covets.”

But that wasn’t the real killer. Because it revved up so quickly, the company never had time to develop a working supply chain in Canada, which left its stores short on merchandise and full of empty shelves. After the market researchers Belus Capital Advisors published pictures of the barren aisles, it led to headlines like this from


Here’s a taste of what Target’s Canada stores looked like. Notice something missing?

No, they probably didn’t have your size.

You probably get the idea.

But seriously.

It was bad.

Nobody likes shopping in a picked-over retail ruin. But, there wasn’t much individual stores could do to improve their appearances. As a former Target employee explained in an email to Gawker, there was no way for the Canadian stores to tell distribution centers what items they needed each day. If they were out of eggs, or milk, or shirts, they had to hope those things would show up on a truck full of mystery merchandise that arrived each morning. Meanwhile, the company’s rulebook prevented employees from filling the barren shelves with whatever else they had on hand. The end result: understocked, uninviting stores that couldn’t even compete on price with Walmart, which began offering discounts to undercut its rival. Target seems to have realized that with all the damage already done, it wasn’t going to recover.


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