June 2014 - Page 13 of 22 - I Hate Working In Retail

By

This Is What Happens When A Really Tall Guy Goes Grocery Shopping Dressed As An Orc

 

Which way to the meat counter? It's on the menu tonight.

One does not simply walk into the supermarket. Wait, actually… yeah. That’s how it works.

You show me someone who’s not afraid of orcs as imagined by J.R.R. Tolkien, those slavering, soulless hordes drooling for manflesh, and I will show you a liar. So it’s not surprising that the appearance of a seven-foot tall man dressed like those fiercest of orc warriors, the mean ol’ Uruk-hai, would draw some interesting reactions when he headed out to go grocery shopping.

Mr. Uruk-hai heads off to the supermarket to pick up whatever it is orcs need — extra toilet paper for those long hauls across the Plateau of Gorgoroth and maybe some chips and salsa for nights spent in the Mountains of Shadow — and of course, startled titters and general fun ensues.

While he definitely needs some more gnarly action going on in the dental region, and maybe a bit of slime and general orc muck slathered all over that imposing frame, I can tell you without a doubt that my insides would still want to be on the outside if I ran into that guy.

(h/T to HappyPlace.com)

Sourced  consumerist.com

By

30 Things Your Cashier Hates

 

1. I have more than 12 items, can I come through here?

Express lanes are labeled. Read them. Love them. About 15 items is not an entire cart.

2. Are you open? My light is on and I’m standing in front of a register. NOPE.

Durrrrrr.

3. Do you work here? I am wearing a name tag, yes, yes I do work here.

Where is the nearest building that I can leap from?

4. Here’s my shoppers/rewards/frequent shopper card? IN MY FACE

5. Here let me unload my cart and leave the cart at the front of the checkstand EVEN THOUGH I AM EXITING THROUGH THE LOBBY

6. You look bored/You look like you need a customer.

7. While at U-Scan, “Can you ring all this produce up for me?”

8. Needs to write a check. Waits until you have rang up their entire order. Writes at the pace of a 5 year old learning their letters.

9. I see you have a WIC check and the WIC guide book with you. Yet I see you’re buying nothing actually listed on your check…

10. “There is enough money in my account to buy this. There must be something wrong with your machine.”

11. “I have exactly $40.” Excuse me while I put well over $40 worth of groceries on the belt and put things back one by one.

12. I am legally required to ID all people in a group purchasing age restricted items. The last thing I need is a gaggle of 20 year olds sassing me because one person has their ID.

13. The ad says limit of 9 grapefruits, can I buy 27 of them on three different transactions?

14. Bulk items can be expensive. Don’t be surprised when your Jelly Bellys or Pine Nuts are crazy expensive. We can’t put those back, so when you change your mind we have to throw them away.

15. If you return perishable items like a $17 frozen lasagna that also needs to be thrown away. Prices go up because of this.

16. Do not put your animals in the cart. Not every dog is a service animal. It is gross.

17. Dad jokes. “That isn’t scanning? It must be free.” Huehuehue. Kill me now.

18. We have a box we stand in for a reason. Please don’t step into it. Personal space is key when working with the public.

19. If you are paying with cash, please don’t hand me a wad of bills.

20. Complimenting me will not make me anymore interested in cutting you a deal or returning your $180 worth of vitamins with live security tags.

21. WASH YOUR REUSABLE BAGS

22. Speaking of bags, if your city doesn’t have plastic, don’t complain to the cashier. They had no control over this.

23. Hang up your phone. It makes it hard to tell you the total, ask you any questions, etc. But please, when the transaction is over, hang up and examine your receipt and tell me everything that is wrong. Next time, hang up.

24. We. Are. Not. Babysitters.

25. If a store closes at 11. Don’t be surprised that there are few cashiers at 10:55 to ring you up. If you plan on doing a week worth of shopping, don’t do it five minutes before close.

26. Do not walk up to a register fifteen minutes after close with a huge cart of groceries. WHO RAISED YOU?

27. It’s 8am. And you’re drunk. Aaaaand no Natty Ice for you. Not worth my job for you to keep your buzz.

28. If you get food from the deli, pay for it first. Don’t eat it then tell the cashier it was gross and you don’t want to pay for it. Generally you can tell if it is gross with the first couple bites.

29. Don’t put your cash or coupons on the belt. See that gap where the items stop? That is where dreams (and your money) go to die. You don’t want to look down there.

30. If the closed sign is up, it generally means we are closed. Just because I’m still finishing up a transaction doesn’t mean you can assume I am open and then give me a nasty look because I inform you that it does indeed mean closed.

30 Things Your Cashier Hates

Sourced from buzzfeed.com

By

20 Reasons Why Retail Staff Hate You.

Anyone who has endured working in the retail industry knows that it is desperately far from as ‘easy going’ as it often appears. After all, how hard can it be to fetch items and process transactions, right? Wrong.

It’s not so much the gruelling, everlasting, no tea or toilet break shifts, or the arguably offensive hourly wage. Moreover it’s the customers who force retailers to sigh so mournfully when the alarm goes off in the mornings. Working with the public is tough! And keeping you guys happy is even tougher. WUWO has dug out The Top 20 Customer Crazies: Discover which category you ascend from with the top 20 reasons behind why retailers hate the general public.

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.

smug

This is a phrase that even those who have never worked in retail are abundantly aware of. As for those who do work in retail; well they never hear the end of it. TIP: Nobody likes a know it all.

THE SOMETHING FOR NOTHING.

free-sign The ones who examine every item in intricate detail for the slightest fault, in order to demand a reduction. Occasionally causing faults themselves, these cheapskates will stop at nothing to hustle a few extra quid off the asking price.

THE CHANGE PAYER.

3. The Change Payer The customers who purchase a 49.99 item with a mass of shrapnel that’s been dug out from behind generations of sofas. These guys are the most inconvenient customers of all time.

THE CREEP.

1294706632786 These consumers are very far and few between. But once you serve one, you may as well have sold your soul to the devil. Expect them to make an appearance every day for the next 5-6 years to lurk, stare, and smell the stock.

THE MESSIAH OF MESS.

pile 2 Whether it’s a mess the kids made, a destructive teenager hitting puberty, or an inconsiderate adult, these customers create havoc wherever they tread. Radiating silent signals to the store decor, price tags and stock will begin to rain down like leaves in the autumn.

THE ‘I’M BETTER THAN YOU’.

6. The Im Better Than You Are One of the worst customers you will ever encounter. They spend more time looking down their noses than anything in the actual store. Superior shoppers that are under the belief you are a lower form of species put on this earth to serve their every whim, often rubbing their higher paid job or fancy flash car in your exhausted over-worked face.

THE FREQUENT COMPLAINER.

7. The Frequent Complainer Moan, groan, and moan some more. These ‘glass half empty’ individuals are a real buzz kill. From unfitting room temperatures, to complaints about staff or ‘pricey’ stock, these customers will hunt for any available opening to make your life a misery.

MR & MRS HANDS.

8. mr&mrs hands on We all know Mr. & Mrs. hands, compulsively caressing everything within reach. Including you! There are ways of avoiding the tricks of the touchy feely. The best tip I can offer you, when handing back change or a receipt, do not linger. Given the opportunity these folk will have your hand hostage for much longer than you care for.

THE INDECISIVE.

9. The Indecisive Customer “Do I get the black one, or the blue one? The red one is quite nice, although saying that I could go for the white one because it goes with my new jeans. What do you think? The black one? I’m not sure if that will match my new jeans but I suppose I could try a different style neck line. Can I try th..” NO. THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME JUST PICK ONE AND PAY.

THE THREATENER.

man-angry1

The customer who is on a permanent power trip. Demanding to speak to your manager or Head Office in relation to anything from a dislike to your service or the fact what they want is not currently in stock. TIP: Bite your tongue, and kiss bottoms.

THE BARGAIN HUNTER.

11. The Bargain Hunters The most dangerous shopper known to mankind. The bargain hunter will sever arm and leg to get the last pair of half off boots or to be first in line for a 75% OFF SALE. Do not underestimate them.

THE JAMES BONDS.

12. James Bond's The smooth criminals that have a friend of a friend that knows the wife of the managers’ best friends’ cats’ previous owner. These guys have a questionable need to be served by the same employee upon every visit. If said employee is not there, and someone else bites the bullet, James Bond will complain, and he will be using his prestige connections to file a complaint against you.

THE ‘TOO BUSY FOR YOU’.

13. The 'I'm Too Busy Customer' Usually distinguished by the Smartphone or Bluetooth headset super glued to their ear, these customers are impatient and ignorant, only communicating with you via sign language. And by sign language, we mean pointing aggressively and expecting us to know what item, size and price range… telepathically.

THE CAUTIOUS SPENDER.

indecisa-shampoo Most of us will find what we are looking for, purchase, ride the waves of consumer satisfaction, realise we probably shouldn’t have, and return home as if it never happened. But these guys, no such luck. The cautious spender will find what they want, spend 3 hours looking for better, comparing, testing, searching, creating wish lists, only to end up back where they started, but never buying. The most infuriating shopper you will ever bear witness too.

THE KILL WITH KINDNESS.

15. Kill With Kindness Now, don’t get me wrong, a friendly customer is much preferred than any other. But some of you – particularly common among senior citizens and retirees – remind those in retail of the chicken in Foghorn Leghorn. “I said I said go away boy ya’ botherin’ me.” These dear darlings will talk your ear off about the grandkids starting school, latest doctor appointments, and given the chance quote memoirs of their late husband/wife. TIP: Look busy, even if you’re not.

THE REFUND REFUGEES.

receipt Similar to the SOMETHING FOR NOTHING inhabitants, The Refund Refugees will attempt to return anything with a tag on. Worn out shoes ‘’I have never worn’’, Dresses stinking of spirits and cigarette smoke “I have never worn”, even underwear. I needn’t tell you the state of those that of course were ‘never worn’. These guys seem to have a tough time distinguishing the difference between a store and a rental shop.

THE NOSE PINCHERS.

e0f567aae13f10dd8b93b17dc6f584ba- Ever had a customer that looked like they’ve just walked out of a low budget horror movie, wreaking to the high heavens? It’s hard to maintain the act of respectful sales assistant when you’re serving a real life replica of Fungus the Bogeyman. The burning desire to dunk these guys in soapy water is almost as overwhelming as the smell!

BAD BREATH BUYERS.

original This bunch deserved to have a separate mention altogether as opposed to being a component of the nose pinchers. The title is self explanatory. TIP: take care of your teeth; you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

THE CONTAGIOUS CREW.

19. The Contagious Crew Coughing and spluttering, sneezing and snivelling, these walking germ banks are an absolute nightmare. As a customer service advisor, you have to remain professional at all times, despite the replaying image of germs flying through the air and landing all over you as you serve. TIP: Do not inhale when in direct contact with a contagious crew member.

THE SPACE INVADORS.

20. Space Invadors There is at least 50sq ft of space, and they chose to stand 5cm over the invisible line that borders your personal space. In conjunction with a Contagious Crew, A Nose Pincher, or a Bad Breath Buyer, this combination can be both deadly and impossible to sustain common courtesy.

 

Retail Ranking: How many have you encountered?

0-5  ROOKIE

6-10 WEEKENDER

11-15 GRAFTER

15+ TAKE A BREAK BEFORE THEY BREAK YOU.

(Or maybe they already have)

– See more at: http://www.whatsupwhatson.com/20-reasons-retail-staff-hate/#sthash.bUZP6rv5.dpuf