October 2014 - I Hate Working In Retail


20 Random Rants From The Grocery Store Checkout Line


1. “You don’t need a candy bar. Stop staring at it. You’re eating healthy today. Oh, God, they’re paying with a check?! Screw it; I’m getting a candy bar.”

2. “Seriously, why does anyone pay with checks these days? I hope they ban them in 2015. We need a national checkbook burning… I should create an event for that on Facebook.”

3. “Why is she staring at me? Doesn’t everyone buy Captain Morgan, condoms, and a pregnancy test all at the same time? It’s called time management, thank you.”

4. “Why are all the guys at the grocery store always married? The single dudes probably come on Saturday nights for beer runs. I need to change my grocery shopping schedule.”

5. “I can’t believe people actually read these tabloids. Wait… Jennifer Aniston is having Stephen King’s baby?! Ok, you can glance at the covers, but don’t let anyone see you. OMG, Lorde is really a man?! Screw it, I’m reading that.“

6. “Kim Kardashian’s secret to weight loss? It’s called exercise, eating right, and cosmetic surgery. I bet Kim has an assistant completely dedicated to managing her waxes. I need that.”

7. “Please, lady behind me, stop audibly raping me with small talk. You’re a schoolteacher? That’s nice. You will literally be out of my life in less than 5 minutes. I have absolutely no use for the information you’re giving me right now.”

8. “I wish I was as skinny as that Vogue mag girl. And her skin is flawless! Why do I still have these thoughts when I know it’s all Photoshopped? I’m an emotional masochist, that’s why. I should find a meeting for that.”

9. “They didn’t put the divider behind their stuff. Now, the clerk’s going to think my stuff is theirs. WTF! … Screw it; I’m not putting a divider down either. Grocery store anarchy… done.”

10. “Really? That’s what you’re buying? Why did you even come here when you could do your grocery shopping at the 7Eleven?”

11. “My kiddo is so much better behaved than that little jerk. I don’t think I like kids, except for mine. Is that weird or just a mother’s instinct thing?”

12. “Please, nobody look at the tampons I’m buying. I don’t think I’ll be able to use them after your eyes have been on them.”

13. “My turn… I feel like I’m on stage and everyone is looking at me now. I think I’m getting checkout anxiety. I hope no one notices the Monistat.”

14. “No, dude, I’m not sliding my reward card until the end. Watching the total price drop makes me feel like I’m on a game show and I feel less guilty about all the crap I’m buying. It’s the highlight of my Thursday night – don’t judge me.”

15. “If my card declines, I’m going to kill myself. How freaking awkward would that be if they had to take all of my food away from me… in front of everybody? Why do I even panic about this anymore? I do a weekly budget! I’m 30-something, mature, and on top of this stuff… oh, thank God it went through.”

16. “I would seriously have to buy like 10 of those grocery tote bags to do my shopping every week. I’m not storing a million tote bags in my car just for this event, which I would end up forgetting in the car anyways. I would literally be a crazy bag lady. Plastic it is.”

17. “Why do they always ask me if I want my milk in a bag? Doesn’t everyone? Am I not supposed to get it in a bag? Am I being wasteful since the carton has a handle? It’s cold and heavy… give me the damn bag and stop making a point about it!”

18. “Thanks so much for referring to me by my last name as you said goodbye, clerk! I totally feel like you know me now. I’m going to pretend you didn’t have to look at my receipt for a minute before addressing me as that kind of ruins the moment.”

19. “I should really let them help me carry this out. I always get too much stuff, but I don’t think a 30-something is supposed to ask for help. Wait, is that a 20-something getting help out?! Who the hell does she think she is?”

20. “I can’t wait to get home and wash my hands.”

Sourced from thoughtcatalog.com


Walmart To Kick Off Holiday Shopping Season Day After Halloween


NEW YORK (AP) — Wal-Mart is doing whatever it takes to rope in holiday shoppers however they want to buy.

For the first time, Wal-Mart Stores Inc. is offering free shipping on what it considers the season’s top 100 hottest gifts, from board games to items related to Disney’s hit film “Frozen” items, starting Saturday. The move comes as rival Target Corp. began offering free shipping on all items, a program that started late October and will last through Dec. 20.

Wal-Mart is also planning to offer discounts, or what it refers to as “rollbacks,” on more than 20,000 items on a broad range of products, from groceries to TVs, starting Saturday. The timing is similar to last year, but the discounter said the assortment is broader. It’s also pulling forward by nearly a month 15 24-hour online deals originally reserved for the Thanksgiving weekend and so-called Cyber Monday, about double from last year. For the first time, Wal-Mart will allow shoppers to pick up those 24-hour online specials at the store. They include 40-inch Element TVs for $199, down from $298, and Crayola Paint Makers for $12, down from $18.88. Customers will be able to purchase the deals online starting shortly after midnight on Monday.

The online deals are in addition to several hundred online holiday specials that start Saturday.

“We’re trying to offer the best deals when they want them,” said Steve Bratspies, Wal-Mart’s executive vice president and general merchandise manager for Wal-Mart’s U.S. division.

Wal-Mart unveiled some of the details of its holiday strategy as it considers matching online prices from competitors such as Amazon.com, a move that could help grab more customers but could also hurt profit margins. The Bentonville, Arkansas-based discounter has matched prices of local store competitors but has not followed other retailers including Best Buy and Target in matching prices of online rivals. But last month, Wal-Mart started to test the strategy in five markets: Atlanta; Charlotte, North Carolina; Dallas; Phoenix; and northwest Arkansas.

Wal-Mart is trying to rev up sluggish sales in the U.S. as it battles competition from online retailers, dollar stores and drugstores. At the same time, it’s also dealing with a slowly recovering economy that hasn’t benefited its low-income shoppers. As a result, Wal-Mart’s U.S. namesake stores, which account for 60 percent of its total business, haven’t reported growth in a key sales measure in six straight quarters.

Wal-Mart’s move underscores how stores are being forced to step up their game for the holiday shopping season, which accounts for about 20 percent of retail industry’s annual sales. The National Retail Federation, the nation’s largest retail trade group, forecasts a 4.1 percent sales increase to $616.9 billion for November and December from last year. But online sales, which are included in the forecast, are expected to increase anywhere from 8 percent to 11 percent.

Wal-Mart declined to say whether it was considering changing its price match policy for just the holidays or permanently. Deisha Barnett, a Wal-Mart spokeswoman, says many store managers have matched online prices for customers on a case-by-case basis.

“Taking care of the customers who shop our stores is what we always aim to do,” she added.

As for its free shipping holiday program, Wal-Mart said that it had store executives pick the 100 items and that products are guaranteed to arrive before Christmas. Wal-Mart’s current policy is that online shoppers have to spend at least $50.

Sourced from huffingtonpost.com


30 Secrets Baristas Won’t Tell You

1. If you want your name spelled correctly, just tell us. We won’t be offended.

That way you aren’t mad when I yell out, “Snarf, your latte is ready!”

2. Asking for add-ons AFTER your drink is made will get you universally loathed.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

I know it’s only a ten cent add-on, but that’s not the point.

3. There is never really 2% milk.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

You mean I have to get the non-fat out the fridge, then get the whole, mix them together, measure them out equally… nah, you can have what’s in the pitcher.

4. People who order dry cappuccinos are the worst human beings on the planet.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You


5. People who know exactly what they want are the best human beings on the planet.

People who know exactly what they want are the best human beings on the planet.

Universal Pictures / Via quickmeme.com

Bless you.

6. As much as we love your patronage, this is not your office.

I know your screenplay is important and all, but I really need to clean your table now, so…

7. It’s not that we can’t break that $20, we just don’t want to open the drawer, and we’re not a bank.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

Also, the fact that you’re not buying anything doesn’t make me want to do you any favors.

8. The blender is the bane of our existence, especially when we’re busy.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

Not only do I have to stop what I’m doing to make your dumb frozen whatever, but I also have to clean it after. So, thanks for that.

9. If you want to order a “Venti” there’s a Starbucks down the corner.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

And no, I won’t put your drink in your Starbucks mug either.

10. Also, if you only visit Starbucks, you have no idea what a macchiato actually is.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You
20th Century Fox


11. Extra hot drinks actually ruin the milk.

What are you even tasting? Sulfur?

12. The smell that half-and-half creamer elicits when making a breve drink is like a burning Roman Empire.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

And I’m pretty sure the smell it produces is against health code regulations.

13. The holidays mean holiday drinks, which means horrible concoctions we are forced to make.

Oh, and there’s nothing wrong about asking for a pumpkin spice latte in June, just don’t be surprised when I tell you that we haven’t had that on the menu since February.

14. No, I don’t have to work very hard to keep myself from drinking and eating everything in sight.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

The thrill vanishes after your 75th day of the same pastry.

15. There is nothing more baffling than customers who order decaf Americanos.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

Like, what is your life about? Are you Illuminati?

16. I’m sorry I don’t care to talk about your life at 6 a.m.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

If I’m making YOUR coffee, in all likelihood I’ve yet to have any.

17. We’re not all accomplished latte artists.

Thanks for the expectations, Pinterest!

18. We can mainline coffee like we’re Sid Vicious.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You
DreamWorks Pictures / Via chemicaltoiletbrothers.tumblr.com

Just pop open a vein and GO.

19. We couldn’t care less if you don’t like the music that is playing.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

Because, A) we are forced to play it by management, or B) we chose it because we want to listen to it. Point being, either way it’s not getting changed.

20. The worst possible time to tell me how you want your drink made is AFTER I’ve made it.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

Oh, I know, you just want that soy milk for free. Got it.

21. Somehow, the only people left in America who prefer to talk on the phone instead of text can ONLY do it in line.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

Are you helping Obama with his ISIS strategy or nah?

22. Regulars who never tip will be served as slow as possible.

It’s awesome that you think we’re pals, but I’d trade our friendship in for a few bucks every now and then.

23. You’ve got to be a special kind of lazy to ask me to put your Splenda in your drink for you.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

Can you not? No, literally. Are you physically unable to?

24. The time to ask about merchandise is probably not when there’s a line out the door.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

That thing underneath the item? It’s a price tag.

25. Yes, I do mind when you barge in 30 seconds before we lock the doors exclaiming, “Made it just in time!”

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

You probably show up when movies have already started, don’t you?

26. We know it was you who destroyed the bathroom.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You
Colombia Pictures / Via gifbay.com

It’s fine, we’ve all done it. Just don’t use all the toilet paper next time, OK?

27. You realize that I’d get fired if I told you that I don’t like the food here, right?

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You
ABC Family

Do you really think I just tried the quiche at 5:30 a.m. while I was setting up the store?

28. You should blame yourself for not coming earlier if we run out of something.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You

I can tell you where the pastries DON’T come from. It’s not out of Mary Poppins’ fucking bag!

29. You know what we do to really annoying customers? They get decaf.

30 Secrets Baristas Won't Tell You
New Line Cinema / Via awesomedaily.net

Tastes like vengeance to me!

30. We dread the site of seeing interns/assistants/gophers walking through the door.

Oh, you need to pay for these all on different transactions AND you need a carrier? #FML

Sourced from buzzfeed.com