The Speedy Shopper
It’s almost starting time. You’ve just had your morning department briefing and you notice the security gates being unlocked and opened as you rush to prepare your department for customers. After you get everything up and running you wait in anticipation for your first customers and feel prepared for your day- OR SO YOU THOUGHT. Unfortunately the first customer you meet is extremely impatient and in a serious rush.
Your store has only been open for 2 minutes but according to this annoying customer, the store opened 30 minutes ago when he got out of his car; he just couldn’t get in yet. This customer is either late for work, school, or an appointment with himself, but it’s not his problem- it’s yours. He’s like an annoying drill sergeant; beating you over the head with demands and barking orders down at you until you ball up in a corner, suffering from a case of shell shock. The Speedy shopper expects you to move at his pace the pace of a crack head on 12 red bulls. Annoying as they are, the Speedy Shopper will be gone with the flash and is the least of your worries for this day.
You’ve managed to mow through the first wave of customers and begin to feel that the damage is done when you are approached by a very distinguished and professional patron. This customer’s appearance commands respect, and you get to thinking “finally, someone with class.” The customer asks for your assistance and assures that he’ll only take a small amount of your time- BEWARE; you’ve been smitten by the allure of the Overseer.
There were a few telltale signs that you were dealing with an annoying customer; the patronizing voice, condescending looks, and superior posture should have been warnings, but you’ve mistaken these characteristics for professionalism. You soon find out that the feelings of professionalism are one sided and that the Overseer has no faith in you at all. He follows you around, watches your every move, and questions everything you do. This passive aggressive customer wants things done his way and distrusts that you are competent enough to get the job done without his assistance. The annoying Overseer leaves you with a feeling that your life has been one big disappointment after another.
The VIP Customer
The clock just struck BUSY TIME!!! in your store. Droves of customers burst through the doors and make a bee-line to your department with questions, comments, and demanding merchandise. You try your best to assist everyone as much as you can and begin to wonder where your coworkers vanished to, when you hear an impatient and annoying voice sound out from the crowd. “Are you… busy?” asks the VIP Customer. “No”, you respond; “The flocks of people surrounding me are my disciples and my name is Jesus Christ.”
The VIP Customer is impatient, curt, and has an over inflated sense of self worth. This customer grows visibly agitated when neglected for the slightest amount of time and sees no problem with jumping ahead of everyone that was waiting patiently before they got there. When serving a VIP Customer you MAY NOT look at, assist, or answer any other customer’s questions- You no longer work for the store, you work for them.
The “Expert” Friend
After taking a “15”, you get back on the sales floor and notice two customers standing together in your department. One of the customers seems glossy eyed and anxious; the other appears cold and reserved. While helping the customers so you thought you notice that the anxious customer is the only one talking- WAIT FOR IT… the other customer will open up like a flood gate in just a moment.
What you have failed to realize is that you’ve only been helping one customer; the other is just an “Expert” Friend. Technically, the “Expert” Friend isn’t really a customer but is definitely annoying. He believes that he’s learned more about your profession in his free time; than you’ve learned working at the store. His hobby trumps your occupation. He is completely misguided but you won’t be able to prove this to the customer well, you shouldn’t. To the customer, the “Expert” Friend knows all the inside information about your field, he can weed through all of the sales BS, and knows all the best deals. The “Expert” Friend is annoying in person but is even more annoying when phoned in. When this happens, you’re expected to stop everything that you’re doing in store and talk to him via the customer’s personal cell phone. He is egotistical, cocky, and completely full of it. Saying a few technical terms will make him uncomfortable and render him helpless.
The Late Lingerer
Ahhh, the day is finally coming to an end. The store is settling down and you notice that in just 5 minutes you can get back to your “kick ass” life. You’ve made it through the annoying customers, micromanagers, and quirky coworkers, but it doesn’t matter anymore- this day is almost over and that’s all that counts. You are overcome with a feeling of accomplishment and anticipate bringing this day to an end and finally punching out, when you notice something wrong. From afar you sense a blurry figure moving towards the glass entrance doors from the outside. THIS CAN’T BE!?!? You rub your eyes in hopes that you are mistaken and take another look, only to have your worse fears confirmed; it’s another customer. No need to fear though, this is obviously a busy person in a rush; why else would he come in so late? He’ll be in and out in no time- WRONG!!
Unbeknownst to you, you’ve just encountered a Late Lingerer. These annoying customers have no concept of time and see the end of the day as an opportunity to shop in a store all to themselves. This particular breed of customer is indecisive, loves options, demands answers, and doesn’t understand haste. When it’s all over with, the customer has taken a personal 30 minute tour through your department with you as the tour guide and only leaves you with a promise to return tomorrow to see “You, personally” after having time to think it over.. Not only has this customer ruined your day, but your night as well, as you’ll be unable to sleep knowing the horror that awaits you the next day.