Here’s a list of 100 ways to annoy people at Walmart. They work especially well during the peak shopping season. Use some of these if you need to get a better place in line or cause some people to give up, leave the store and give some poor soul a great parking spot.
1. Take all the fudge, whipped cream, or anything like that, and make a slip n slide.
2. Walk up to any guy with his girlfriend and slap him crying out “but you said you’d love me forever and ever!!!”
3. Walking by someone, start singing a Barney song, when they join in, say “what a bunch of retards” and walk away.
4. Sit in the ice cream isle and (while eating all the ice cream from the carton with your hands) yell at anyone passing by that they cant have any, and to make your point, throw some ice cream at them.
5. Paint a ‘mural’ with the nail polish, when yelled at, ask them why they hate art.
6. Invite all your friends for a movie night at Wal-Mart. This must include turning off all the lights, opening all the bags of chips and cans of soda, and when watching your movie in the TV section, “shhh” anyone such as the manager and others and them lecture them about being rude.
7. Demand to see the manager at once, muttering about things like ‘bad service’ and ‘rude employees’. Once face to face with the manager, insist that you need his/her autograph straight away.
8. Hide in the clothing racks. When someone starts searching through the clothes, jump up, saying, “Pick me!!!”
9. Walk around in the dishware and say to people as they examine cups and such, “Please don’t touch that one. It is a very fine piece that I picked up in Volterra, Italy.”
10. Ask someone for the time, and before they answer, break out into the chorus for the Phantom of the Opera.
11. Take all the money out of the cash registers and put it in a big pile and roll in it screaming “I’M RICH!!”, when the security comes, tell them that you inherited Wal-Mart, then lecture them about respecting their superiors.
12. On the intercom, broadcast very irrelevant conversations between teenage girls (OH NO U DIDN’T!!! he’s totally like going to dump her, he’s too hot for her, did you hear about that???) etc. (broadcast until it stops being funny)
13. Ride the little electronic cars at the front of the store.
14. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals throughout the day.
15. Walk up to an employee and in an official tone of voice say “We’ve got a code 3 in House wares”. See what happens.
16. Turn all the radios to the polka station, then turn them off, but turn the volume as high as it’ll go.
17. Play with the automatic doors.
18. Walk up to complete strangers and say “Hi!! I haven’t seen you in…” etc. and see how they respond.
19. Leave small gifts in the hands of mannequins.
20. Play soccer with a group of friends using the entire store as your playing field.
21. As the cashier scans an item, say “Wow, magic!”.
22. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” to carpeted areas.
23. Put M&M’s on layaway.
24. Set up a tent in the camping department. Tell friends they can only come if they bring pillows from Bed & Bath.
25. When an employee comes and asks you if you need help, say “Why won’t you all just leave me alone?!”.
26. While looking at guns in the gun department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are.
27. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
28. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
29. Two words: “Marco Polo”.
30. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.
31. When a someone gives an announcement, assume a fetal position and start screaming, “No, no! not the voices again!”.
32. When someone strays from their cart looking at something, take their cart and run away.
33. Follow people throughout the store staying about 5 feet away at all times until they leave the store.
34. Hold shopping cart races.
35. Ask newly hired employees about made up products, i.e. “Do you have any Shnerples here?”.
36. Ride the bicycles around claiming that you’re taking it for a “test drive”.
37. Ask employees, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”.
38. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “…I’m Batman. Come, Robin–to the Batcave!”
39. Grab some random kid and when their parents demand for their child back, demand a custody battle.
40. Lay on one of the bed displays with a rose and stare at everyone that walks by with a grin on your face.
41. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
42. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling “Red Rover.”
43. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s.
45. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
46. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don’t get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
47. Make a trail of Mountain Dew on the floor leading to the restrooms.
48. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
49. Go into one of the fitting rooms and yell real loud…”Hey, we’re out of toilet paper in here!”
50. “Accidentally” get stuck in one of the frozen food doors. Give people strange looks and see if anyone helps you out.
51. Add really funny things to other peoples’ carts and watch them pay for it and see if they notice.
52. Ask if you can buy a shopping cart.
53. Bring a friend and get in a shopping cart. Have them push you around while you yell “ye-haw!”
54. Constantly wink at a person you don’t know. Follow them around and blow kisses to them.
55. Fill your shopping cart with matchbooks and gasoline and walk around smiling at people.
56. Find a parent with her kid in the shopping cart. Point at the kid and ask the parent, “What aisle are they selling these on?”
57. Gather a bunch of bouncy balls and bounce them into neighboring aisles.
58. Get 20 people together and play hide-n-go-seek.
59. Get a friend, put on as many articles of clothing you can find and start sumo wrestling (use diapers if possible).
60. Go to the express lane and get an item, and say “wait, I forgot something“ Keep doing that until you have like 50, check out, then say “thanks, I forgot how much this costs,” and walk away.
61. Go to the video game section and play one of the games for a minute the throw down the controller and start to bang on the display case when an attendant asks you what you are doing tell him your trying to change the game.
62. Go up to a guy and start crying saying I finally found you mommy! And see what he does!
63. Go up to someone and start taking items from their basket and put them into yours.
64. Go up to the clerk and say code Red! and see what they do!
65. Hide in the toy section, when someone comes close jump out at them throw a ball and yell “Pikachu I choose you!”
66. Joust with the electronic assist carts and wrapping paper.
67. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
68. Make the entire auto department smell by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
69. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
70. Page yourself and then after the employee says your name, say…“Oh that’s me, I’ve got to go. Thank you.”
71. Play blind chicken with 12 friends putting a blind fold on one and them having that person trying to find you .
72. Pour bubble bath into the fountains in the garden section. 73. Repeat whatever the store clerk tells you.
74. Roll cans of soup down the aisles.
75. Run around the store yelling I’m a princess while holding a toy wand.
76. Run around yelling for your pet ferret “Stinky”. check out all the funny looks you get!
77. Run up to a complete stranger, tag them, and say “You’re it!”
78. Sample all the fragrances in the perfume department.
79. Set up a battle of laser tag .
80. Set up ten pineapples in the shape of bowling pins and start bowling with a coconut.
81. Start Humming the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Theme song. Whenever someone looks at an item near you scream “TURTLE POWER” and run away as fast as you can.
82. Strategically scatter those novelty dog poops throughout the store and wait for some to announce “cleanup on aisle …” then yell “BAD FLUFFY!”
83. Take a snickers bar, go in the bathroom and smoosh the snickers bar in your hand and reach over to the next stall and say “uh do you have some toilet paper over there?”
84. Take all of the free AOL cd’s on the end of the check out counter.
85. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
86. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
87. Time yourself for two minutes and throw as many shoes as possible onto the floor.
88. TP as much of the store as possible.
89. Try to fly on a broom. If anyone asks what you are doing tell them in a very annoyed voice, “the brooms don’t work!”
90. Unload then entire bin of giant bouncy balls, get in the bin, have a friend put all the balls back on top of you. When someone walks by jump outta the balls causing them to fly everywhere.
91. Walk about 10 centimeters in front of a moving shopping cart and yell “Its gonna get me!”
92. Walk through the store pushing a cart that is upside-down.
93. Walk up to the automatic doors and walk back and forth through them and each time u go though look up at the sensor and yell “how does it work or ITS MAGIC!”
94. When a woman with children walks near you in the toy aisle, throw yourself on the floor,screaming “MOMMY, I WANT THAT TOY!”
95. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
96. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
97. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
98. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
99. Go up to a random person and begin crying “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
100. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
Sourced from youcanbefunny.com
If there’s one thing that makes the rest of the world suck nuts around us, it’s the fact that other people exist in it, right? In no other place in the entire world can you find such a complete microcosm of absolute human depravity and horribleness than the grocery store, where dreams go to die.
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