As a worker at a discount retail store, I’ve encountered some pretty interesting people, and some who are just annoying. I have compiled a list of the most annoying things a customer can do, say, or ask:

1. “Do you work here?”
This is one question I am asked much more frequently than I would like. Every time someone asks me this, I really want to respond, “No, I just like to come in here in a uniform and name tag to fold clothes because it’s so much fun! Plus I really enjoy confusing people like you!”

Almost as annoying is the “You work here, can you tell me…?”

“I work here? Really? I guess that makes me an all-knowing oracle.”

2. People who ask where things are when they’re clearly labeled.
I understand that you can’t see the bathroom sign from the front of the store, and I’m more than happy to point it out to you. But if you’re standing five feet from the fitting rooms and obviously didn’t even bother looking for them, I will probably say, “See that big sign that says ‘fitting rooms?’ They’re right there.”

3. People who ask ridiculous questions and get frustrated when I can’t answer to their satisfaction.
Once I had an extremely rude customer who asked, “What’s the difference between men’s and women’s wedding bands.”

A wedding band is a plain, undecorated ring, so I said, “There isn’t really a difference. They’re bought based on size.” He then said quite loudly, “I’m going to (insert name of other discount retailer here), where they actually know what they’re talking about,” and he stormed off.

4. People who complain about things I can’t change.
For example, something is not on sale, the line is long, how bad the music is, we’re out of something they wanted, or, my personal favorite, that the air conditioning is broken. The air conditioning breaks constantly during the hot months, and it drives me crazy when people complain about it. They can leave if they want to, I’m the one stuck in the store in long pants for up to eight more hours.

5. People who come and mess up a table of shirts they just watched me fold.
This one is pretty much self-explanatory. Though it’s even worse when I’m still standing there folding and they mess it up while watching me fold the other side.

6. People who treat me like I’m an idiot but can’t even speak proper English.
These people are actually the easiest of the bunch, because although I have a lousy job at the moment, at least I don’t speak in double, triple, or even quadruple negatives. I enjoy using long words in front of these people sometimes, but only when I’m feeling really vindictive or bored.

7. The person who tells you their life story/gives way too much information.
While it is very unfortunate that your grandma in Florida is dying of cancer, I really can’t help you, plus you’re making me kind of sad. Also, there is no need to tell me that you need the Hanes underwear because Fruit of the Loom rides up and gives you wedgies. Yes, I’ve actually had people tell me these things.

Also, I feel it prudent to inform all shoppers that we do make fun of people once they leave, and after the close each night we talk for almost an hour about the strangest people we’ve seen all day. (Though no one will beat the old woman who keeps everything down her shirt. I mean everthing: wallet, coin purse, lipstick, everything, and tried to return a wireless phone because she was convinced that the man next door listened in on all of her conversations.)