Humor Archives - Page 3 of 58 - I Hate Working In Retail

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45 Surprising Facts About Your Favorite Fast Food Restaurants

1. McDonald’s hamburgers don’t rot. The low moisture of the burgers leaves the meat dehydrated, basically turning it into jerky.

2. McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets come in four shapes and they have names: the boot, the ball, the bone, and the bell.

3. A 32 oz. McDonald’s sweet tea has as much sugar as two and a half Snickers bars.

4. You cannot be more than 107 miles from a McDonald’s in the contiguous USA.

5. McDonald’s turns away a higher percentage of applicants than Harvard.

6. McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish was originally developed for Catholic customers, since they tend to abstain from meat on Fridays.

7. Burger King is called “Hungry Jack’s” in Australia.

8. Wendy’s founder Dave Thomas went back to school to earn his GED in 1993 at the age of 61. He didn’t want people to see his success and feel inspired to drop out of high school.

9. Taco Bell’s meat mixture “does not meet the minimum requirements set by the U.S. Department of Agriculture to be labeled as ‘beef.’”

10. Taco Bell has twice attempted to open stores in Mexico. Their food was even labeled as “Authentic American Food.”

11. Chipotle buys some of their avocados from singer Jason Mraz.

12. There is a secret menu item at Chipotle called a “quesarito” where a burrito is wrapped using a cheese quesadilla.

13. After graduating from culinary school, Steve Ells wanted to open up his own fine dining restaurant. In order to raise the necessary money he started Chipotle.

14. After he left the company, Colonel Sanders disliked KFC so much that he described it as “the worst fried chicken I’ve ever seen” and called the gravy “wallpaper paste.”

15. Because of a successful marketing campaign 40 years ago, KFC chicken has become a traditional Christmas dinner in Japan. KFC is so popular that customers place their Christmas orders two months in advance.

16. Two companies prepare KFC’s Original Recipe chicken. One company only has half of the secret recipe, and the other company has the second half. The complete recipe only exists in one place: locked inside a vault at KFC’s headquarters.

17. Subway’s most popular sandwich, the Italian B.M.T., is named after the Brooklyn Manhattan Transit.

18. After receiving complaints that their “footlong” sandwich was only 11 inches long, Subway responded by saying, “”With regards to the size of the bread and calling it a footlong, ‘Subway Footlong’ is a registered trademark as a descriptive name for the sub sold in Subway Restaurants and not intended to be a measurement of length.”

19. Subway is the largest restaurant chain in the world, with more restaurants than McDonald’s.

20. To accommodate workers at the World Trade Center building, Subway installed a mobile restaurant that moved up the building as they finished each floor.

21. At a cost of around $1,000,000, Pizza Hut made a delivery to the International Space Station in 2001.

22. Before 2013, the number one buyer of kale was Pizza Hut. They didn’t serve it, they used it as a decoration for their salad bars.

23. Pizza Hut once sued Papa John’s because they claimed that “fresher ingredients” didn’t make “better pizza.”

24. Pizza Hut uses 300 million pounds of cheese each year, which accounts for 3% of U.S. cheese production.

25. Arby’s got its name from the acronym “R.B.,” which doesn’t stand for “roast beef,” but rather “Raffel brothers,” who founded the restaurant.

26. Five Guy’s fries are the most unhealthy in America, with nearly 1,500 calories and 71 grams of fat.

27. Shaquille O’Neal owns 10% of all Five Guys restaurants in North America.

28. Chick-Fil-A is not closed on Sundays for religious reasons. They close on Sundays because the founder didn’t like working on Sundays.

29. The first 100 people who go to a new Chick-Fil-A when it opens get a free meal every week for a year.

30. Panera Bread once sued Qdoba and argued that burritos were sandwiches.

31. On average, Starbucks has opened two new stores every day since 1987.

32. The original doughnuts from Dunkin’ Donuts had a handle (to make dunking easier).

33. Domino’s Pizza had to cancel their “30 minutes or less” guarantee because drivers kept causing accidents while rushing to deliver pizzas on time, resulting in at least one fatality.

34. Mark Cuban once criticized someone by saying that they “would not even be able to manage a Dairy Queen.” Dairy Queen offered Mark Cuban a chance to manage Dairy Queen for a whole day, which he accepted. He didn’t do a great job.

35. Dairy Queen restaurants in Texas have a different menu from all other DQ restaurants in the world. You can only get a Steakfinger Basket at a Texas Dairy Queen.

36. IHOP adds pancake batter to their omelettes in order to make them “fluffier.”

37. Ben and Jerry’s ice cream has chunks in it because Ben has anosmia and relies on “mouth-feel” when eating.

38. Because of the restaurant’s reputation to stay open after disasters, the “Waffle House Index” is used to informally assess the damage of a storm.

39. Waffle House sells more steak than any other restaurant.

40. If you laid all of the bacon that Waffle House serves in a year end-to-end, it would wrap all the way around the equator.

41. White Castle burgers have five holes punched in each patty so they cook faster and don’t need to be flipped.

42. Founded in 1921, White Castle was the first fast food restaurant.

43. Colonel Sanders’ favorite food was White Castle.

44. Denny’s was once open year round, so when they decided to close for Christmas, many of the stores had to hire locksmiths because their doors didn’t have locks.

45. The founders of Outback Steakhouse never visited Australia, and have no interest in going.

 

Sourced from buzzfeed.com

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23 Problems All Retail Workers Will Understand.

quickmeme

 

There comes a time in a person’s life where they must leave all sense of dignity behind and take a job that’s going to pay their way through life, and that job is in retail. Usually, this is known as the “Student Phase”, and you’ll find most high street stores are full of these people, clocking in for four hour shifts for no reason other than to fuel their liver-ravaging social habits.

But that’s not to say that all retail workers are students, as the age spectrum is insanely broad. But one thing unites all of them: the hatred of the business. They may not dislike their job as such, but they’ll definitely hate the little details. After all, it’d be a great job, if it wasn’t for all the…customers.

So let’s take a look at the worst things the slaves to the wage of retail must endure in the name of funding that Saturday night pub crawl. For some of you, these disturbing accounts will be nothing but horrible, distant memories, but for the rest of us, they’re a chilling experience which haunts our very existence. So add your sufferings in the comments section, if you’ve still got your sanity about you.

 

23. The Bolted On Smile

Dreamworks Animation

We’re taught to be cheery and full of sunshine and rainbows at all times, whatever the situation. So yes, madame, I totally agree that you should get a refund for your six month old, very much worn underwear, and please, continue to throw them at my head, as my hygiene comes second to your customer rights.

 

22. The Optimistic Sizer

20th Century Fox

Those of a nervous social disposition dread this most of all. A lady of larger stature comes striding towards your till, doughnut in hand, and lays out an exhibition of bikinis, all of which in a size six. Everyone’s entitled to wear whatever they like, it’s a free country, but the flossing walrus look is not an image we needed. Which leads us to…

 

21. Meetings With The Health And Safety Guy

20th Television

Health. And. Safety.

Are there three more blood boiling words in the English language? We all know not to run with scissors or feed a Mogwai after midnight, so why do we need a 45 minute lecture about it? We work in a clothes shop, what possible untold dangers can possibly come from not being given a specialist course in the art of box lifting?

20. You’re Late. You’re Rushing. You’re Stuck Behind A Slow-Walker

20th Century Fox Television

Great dancing Jehovah. Could anyone be more irritating? If it was legal to carry a cattle prod on your daily business, the retail workers of the world would be the number one consumer.

Tempted to overtake? THINK AGAIN! The Slow-Walker will suddenly turn into your new path and stop dead still. So be late, or knock grandma flat, those are your choices.

 

19. The Scummy Returner

Walt Disney Pictures

You’ve just returned an item for a customer, all seemed well and harmless until OH SWEET JESUS!?

IS THAT…IS THAT A STAIN? WHY IS IT THAT COLOUR!? There’s not enough bleach in the world to make your hands feel clean ever again.

 

18. Getting Bailed Out By Security

20th Century Fox Television

As the delightful, tracksuit-wearing gentleman you’ve just refused to serve on account of him being out of his mind on blue bottled cider continues to yell at you, there’s nothing more tense than the wait for security to arrive.

You standing there, twiddling your thumbs as he spouts all the abuse he can muster, just praying someone with a walkie-talkie will turn up to bail you out. Awkward.

 

17. Working With The Guard Who Has Seen Some Action

Paramount Pictures

What could make that wait more awkward? How about the guard who saves the day being a shell-shocked looking dude with a spaced out look in his eyes, whose body is more protein and steroid than any human should be possible of supporting?

He shuffles up, mumbles something from his ridiculously muscled lips and scoops up his target with the lift of his pinky. Impressive, and monstrous.

 

16. Meerkatting When The Police Catch A Shoplifter

BBC

This is the closest you get to the grown-up version of someone screaming “FIIIIIIGHT!” on the playground. Word spreads like wildfire that something’s kicking off and you HAVE to see it.

Cue a rush of employees appearing from behind stands, straining their necks so much it’d impress a giraffe, and stare in awe as security drag some ne’er-do-well kicking and alcohol-fueled screaming out of the store. God speed, scumbag.

15. Do You Work Here?

ABC

Good. God.

Is there any question more infuriating than a customer asking if you work in the shop?

No, Mr. Customer, I do not work here, I merely enjoy spending every waking hour of my life dressed in a depressing uniform, folding clothes in a store, with a name badge pinned to my chest.

 

14. Is There A Way Out?

NBC

Okay, I stand corrected, there is a more ridiculous question.

No, sir and/or madame, there is not a way out, how do you think I came to work here? I simply gave up the hunt for an exit and asked for sanctuary.

 

13. Working With The Mysterious Stockroom Goblins

Warner Bros Pictures

You need to build a new stand for the shop floor, but you’re lacking the equipment needed, so you must call upon the mythical creatures who dwell in the stockroom.

They’re strange beings, taller than your average human, and often so well built that they could easily run through walls. If ever you need one, just say their name three times whilst looking into a mirror, and they’ll appear.

 

12. Overtime: The Necessary Evil

NBC

Student? Then you must be desperate for money to spend on suitably irresponsible things, and that’s difficult when you only earn £40 a week. So you’re faced with two choices: you become teetotal, or you agree to sacrifice yet more free time to the art of hanging t-shirts.

The horror, the sheer horror of spending a sunny Saturday afternoon trapped inside, surrounded by a pile of disheveled jeans is only made worse when you realise all your mates are sat in a beer garden.

 

11. Let Me Just Pick Up The Jeans From The Middle Of The Pile

Fox

What makes that unwanted extra shift surrounded by denim even worse? When a customer tootles over to your freshly rearranged table of jeans, only to pull a pair from the middle of the pile, causing an avalanche of stonewash hate to come tumbling down upon you.

It’s at moments like this you curse the day they made beating someone to death with their own severed leg a crime.

10. The Secret Hangover (That’s Totally Not Secret)

BBC

Of course, the advantage of overtime means that you eventually get to treat yourself, however, you often have to work the morning after indulging in a few alcoholic tipples. Your mission: to hide the hangover.

Don’t even bother. Everyone knows you’re rough as a badger’s behind, especially the managers you think you’re getting one over on. THAT is why you’re working in the warmest part of the store, doing the heavy lifting. THEY KNOW!

 

9. The Secret Hangover Hideout (Even Less Secret)

Nickelodeon

But there is a second plan in covering your hangover: the hideout.

There’s a secret lair where no cameras can spy you, most often in the stockroom, or the quietest part of the store. THIS IS A LIE! They know of the place because managers use it too! Avoid at all costs or face widespread ridicule and tasks which are most definitely not welcomed in a fragile state.

 

8. When Your Managers Chat Next To A Pile Of Mess

Buena Vista Pictures

“See that enormous pile of burning fury in clothing form over there? Would you mind tidying that up by yourself as eight perfectly able managers stand two foot away and have a lovely chat about our social plans?”

The rage. It’s enough to cause a 28 Days Later stampede of irate retail workers.

 

7. The Bank Holiday Massacre

Buena Vista Pictures

Think having to work overtime was bad? Brace yourself for the world of hurt and emotional turmoil that comes with a Bank Holiday Shift. Yet of all these, Boxing Day is a particular heartache.

Waddling your turkey-bloated blob-ish form through a scene which could only be described as a clothing-based re-enactment of Platoon is soul destroying to say the least.

 

6. Fighting Through Early Morning Shoppers

United Film Distribution Company

The terror of beginning a shift before the store is open comes from the ever-watchful eyes of the public, pressed up against the glass doors like the zombie apocalypse is already in full swing.

The same rules apply here: move slow and don’t attract attention to yourself, and you’ll get through unscathed, but if they see you, you’ll be dragged to the floor in a chorus of “BARGAAAAAAINS!”

5. “The Time Is Now 7:55 And This Store Will Be Closing In 5 Minutes”

funnyjunk.com

Oh the joy, the true elation, it’s finally over!

Eight hours of hell are finally coming to an end, and all that’s left is to tidy the unholy mess left by the customers for one final time. But wait…

 

4. … The Stragglers

Warner Bros Pictures

SON OF A…

Why!? Why would you leave paying for your shopping until the store has closed? Now we all need to stand around like lemons, waiting for your £425 sale to go through, finally allowing us to leave about 3 minutes before our next shift starts.

 

3. Fitting Room Shenanigans

AMC

There’s no dressing this up: people who use the fitting rooms as an emergency reproduction pod are just plain mean. Nobody enjoys having to deal with that. But of course there’s something worse… The fitting room has been turned into a toilet.

I cry for humanity.

 

2. You Recognise Every Quirky Regular Shopper

ABC

Every shop has its selection of regulars; the quirky ones who can be spotted a mile off.

But there comes a point of shame when you realise you can recognise them before everyone else, and have even become chummy with Trevor, the one-legged man who wears a wig and caresses the jogging pants. Time to reevaluate.

 

1. Realising You’ve Become Trapped

DreamWorksThere’s nothing sadder than realising you’ve spent seven years of your life working at a job that was just meant to last you through university.

You’ve become one of the staff regulars; you take the fate of reduced t-shirts on your section extremely seriously. In short: you’re stuck.

RUN. SAVE YOURSELF!

 

 

Sourced from whatculure.com

 

 

 

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The 10 most humiliating retail uniforms

One good thing about unemployment: You don’t have to wear these costumes.

Women love a man in uniform, unless that uniform is for a retail job. While some workplace attire can be fun (Hooter Girls, NFL Quarterbacks, Batman) most fall into the “eww” category. Here are the “ewws.”

Best Buy

Photo by Sandy Huffaker/Getty Images| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
There are three kinds of people who can successfully pull off the look of a blue polo shirt tucked into a pair of iron-pressed khakis: Dads on vacation, undercover cops and dad cops on vacation.

Walmart


A slightly lower-end variation of the Best Buy uniform except worse because it indicates that it’s okay for customers to sneak up from behind and burden you with questions at any given moment. As a general rule, wearing sentences on your back is a fashion faux pas. As a general law, uniforms should not be sleeveless smocks unless you’re teaching 3rd graders about clay.

Agent Provocateur

Photo by Evan Agostini/Getty Images | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
It’s difficult to take someone seriously when they’re dressed as a slutty lab technician. (It’s why we changed dentists, podiatrists and accountants.) While we don’t mind the sexy look of these underpants sales associates, the employees must feel a bit embarrassed…especially when we stop to stare and yelp.

Medieval Times

Photo Courtesy of Medieval Times| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
Employees might think, “I look like a badass character from Game of Thrones.” Everyone else thinks, “I sure wish that Hobbit would give me more goddamn Pepsi.”

Easy Jet

Photo by Mati Milstein/easyJet via Getty Images| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
The uniform attempts to be stylish but no one looks good in orange, and the kerchief is far too sexy and risque making the entire flight awkward for all.

Foot Locker

Photo by James Devaney/WireImage| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
This is perhaps the most recognizable retail uniform, which contributes to its downfall: Everyone you meet will instantly know that you sell sneakers for a living. Don’t even waste your time trying to convince a girl this is only a temporary thing, unless she’s European and mistakes you for an off-duty referee.

TGI Fridays


As Office Space put it: “Doesn’t it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?” The red and white stripes make these workers look like walking barber poles, helpful candy canes, or perhaps a White Stripes cover band named Lite Stripes.

Steak n Shake


Okay, we get the hat is a throwback to old school diners, but why the Chippendale bowtie? It makes everyone look like creepy Pee-Wee Hermans.

Hot Dog on a Stick

Photo Courtesy of Hot Dog on a Stick| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
There’s something retro and Arrested Development frozen banana stand-ish about working here, but come on, you look like a clown had a baby with a beachball. We don’t even like the food, but we go because we feel bad for the workers. (And the sticks can be used to make arts and crafts on rainy days!)

Hollister ‘Lifeguard’

Photo by Mike Marsland/WireImage| Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2012
You have to stand outside like a piece of meat taking photos with giggling female tourists that you can’t even hit on, because you’re working! What if it’s cold outside? What if the sun isn’t out? Too bad! All of that is part of the job. You’ll also constantly compare yourself to your fellow lifeguards (“his right third-from-the-top ab looks so much better than mine today!”), which will undoubtedly cause you to go home and eat an entire basket of fried chicken, which could very well be the reason you’re fired the next morning. Plus, what grown man wears Hollister?

Sourced from brobible.com