January 2014 - Page 14 of 23 - I Hate Working In Retail

Jan
14

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Why do Retailers put easter eggs out in December/January?????

Category: Retail Stories 2 Comments

Easter Eggs in December? YOU MUST BE JOKIN’

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December 31st, 2013 • 1 CommentBy Lucy Sweet

THE WORLD’S GONE MAD, GUV! They’re selling Easter eggs in the shops, four months before Easter. Waitrose, Asda and M&S are selling Crème eggs and chocolate bunnies, despite the fact that Easter is on April 20th and we’ve all barely recovered from replacing all our blood with Baileys at Christmas.
easter egg box 300x200 Easter Eggs in December? YOU MUST BE JOKIN
Retailers love a bit of Easter – when it comes to sales of confectionery, nothing can beat our Lord rising from the dead. But the early eggs caused a Twitter storm (YAWN) as disgruntled shoppers with nothing better to do took to the social networking site to do some futile whingeing, while posting photos of Malteser bunnies.
One tweet read: OMG @waitrose you disappoint me easter eggs already #why #april20th’.
HASHTAG WHY, WAITROSE? WHHYYYYYYYY???
Waitrose responded to this ludicrous outpouring of anti-Easter sentiment with a shoulder-shrugging statement.
‘Our main Easter egg fixtures don’t go into our branches until later in January.’ They said.” However, where branches have surplus space, they may decide to put a selection of chocolate eggs out before then. This isn’t any different to what’s happened in previous years and we’re very sorry if any of our customers are upset.’
(Sorry/not sorry.)
M&S issued a similar statement, saying that they display a few Easter chocolates around now, but don’t put up Easter displays until after Mother’s Day in March. It’s called RETAIL – duh.
But that’s not enough for the chattering classes. Whatever next? Christmas trees in September???
Er, yes.
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Jan
13

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The alternative employee handbook

Category: Just Funny Tags: Leave a Comment

Staff Notice – Internal Memo..!!!

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers & carrying a Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1 & December 25

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you’re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again.
In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees’ supervisors must approve this exchange in writing. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders” category.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fastand take a diet pill.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and inputshould be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice week.
Management

 

sourced from humoraddict.blogSpot.co.uk

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Jan
12

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Employee satisfaction. Some of this sounds familiar

Category: Interesting Facts Leave a Comment

Employee Satisfaction: What Goes Around Comes Around

bigstock-Team-Of-Colleagues-Reaches-The-13986965Happy employees are goodwill ambassadors for your brand, whether it’s selling a product or delivering public service. In his book “Extreme Government Makeover,” Ken Miller describes how improvements in the systems that streamline workflow result in “better, faster, cheaper” public services.
Further evidence of the significance of satisfied employees to a positive bottom line was reported in American Public Media’s Marketplace commentary in July. Teresa Amabile, Harvard Business School professor and the article’s author, says “many…leaders undervalue respect. When faced with an employee’s mistake, far too many rake the person over the coals. Research shows that respecting employees can help drive the bottom line upward. Doing the opposite can drive an enterprise into the ground.”
In a recent article on NBCNews.com citing the worst companies to work for, one frequent consequence of employee dissatisfaction was poor customer service, which in turn resulted in financial losses for the company. Unhappy employees make for unhappy customers:  “the terrible relationship these companies have with their employees often extends to their clientele as well. Most of the companies on this list are in industries that do poorly on customer satisfaction surveys,” the article said. Some, like Sears and Radio Shack, frequently appear on lists of businesses predicted to soon disappear. While city halls or county courthouses don’t suffer direct financial losses as a result of poor constituent relationships, the indirect consequences can damage the agency’s reputation enough to be felt when you need voter support.
Reasons often cited at the core of employee dissatisfaction include archaic systems, disconnected management, years of layoffs, bad public relations, and high management turnover. Most of these factors sound an awful lot like the issues lately being faced by the employees in public sector organizations.
What does this mean for public sector managers? Treat your staff with respect. In a political and economic environment where there is small chance for any significant increase in compensation for public employees, look to the research cited by Miller in his book – that compensation isn’t an effective motivator anyway. The majority of public employees are motivated by a desire to make a difference. You can have the greatest effect by attacking the de-motivators that frustrate and impede your employees’ ability to do the jobs they want to do. Doing so will give them the best environment in which to improve their productivity and deliver better public service, often at little or no cost. That’s within your power regardless of what the economic or political barometer reads.
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