Funny Archives - Page 9 of 13 - I Hate Working In Retail

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23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won’t Tell You

1. You do a lot more than just stand at a register. In fact, it’s likely you’ve been cross-trained in multiple departments.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
Alcon Entertainment / Via halpertjames.tumblr.com

2. The “find everything OK?” smile takes a great deal of effort.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You

3. The gossip about interdepartmental relationships never disappoints.

The gossip about interdepartmental relationships never disappoints.

“She hooked up with WHO in dairy?!”

4. You’ve memorized your store’s shitty playlist, and the words to every exciting announcement.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
Big Talk Films / Via reaction-gifs.tumblr.com

“ATTENTION SHOPPERS: Land O’Lakes cheese is half off at the deli!”

5. You’re only provided with two to three work shirts, which you may or may not wash weekly.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
AMC / Via elitedaily.com

6. Fewer things are creepier than working an overnight shift.

Fewer things are creepier than working an overnight shift.

Flickr: clonpop / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: clonpop

7. Sundays at the supermarket are your personal hell.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
WingNut Films / Via thingols.tumblr.com

8. And going into work the week of a holiday is like preparing for battle.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
Marvel Studios / Via futurewarstories.blogspot.com

9. There are well over a thousand different produce codes, making it impossible to remember them all.

There are well over a thousand different produce codes, making it impossible to remember them all.

Sesame Workshop / Via washingtonpost.com

10. You usually don’t notice what customers are buying, and you really don’t care.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
Witt/Thomas/Harris Productions / Via astartosteerherby.tumblr.com

No need to be ashamed, kids.

11. The break room is a miserable place that reeks of the hot food bar and broken dreams.

The break room is a miserable place that reeks of the hot food bar and broken dreams.

MTV / Via rebloggy.com

12. Grocery store employees are more cliquey than you’d think.

Meat department fo’ life.

13. You have prime hiding spots to avoid unwanted encounters, because god forbid your high school crush sees you.

You have prime hiding spots to avoid unwanted encounters, because god forbid your high school crush sees you.

Flickr: dlytle / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: dlytle

14. There’s a distinct scent that stays with you after you leave work.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
Guy Walks Into A Bar Productions / Via youtube.com

15. You’ve pretended to “check the back” for a demanding customer.

You've pretended to "check the back" for a demanding customer.

16. Sure, you can find most products in the back…stacked about 40 feet in the air, requiring a forklift.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
Wolper Productions / Via hilariousgifs.com

And sorry, no one’s that important.

17. By some cruel twist of fate, you always end up needing to run to the store on your day off.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
Apatow Productions / Via karamigo.tumblr.com

18. You don’t feel bad about skipping leg day after spending your whole shift standing.

You don't feel bad about skipping leg day after spending your whole shift standing.

Nickelodeon / Via elitedaily.com

19. Even though you work in a place that sells food, you’re still never sure what you want for dinner.

Even though you work in a place that sells food, you're still never sure what you want for dinner.

20. “Where is the organic section?” and “Why are the asparagus so thick?” are only two examples of the critical questions customers ask you.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
NBC / Via hulu.com

21. There’s a lot more to you than your serious bagging skills.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You
NBC / Via netflix.com

22. Any employee who’s worked in the grocery biz for 10 or more years will likely treat you like peasant scum.

Any employee who's worked in the grocery biz for 10 or more years will likely treat you like peasant scum.

23. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t get an employee discount.

23 Secrets Supermarket Employees Won't Tell You

And if you do, it’s probably only 10% anyway.

sourced from buzzfeed.com

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15 Things Every Barista Knows To Be True

1. Ordering a dry cappuccino makes you an awful human being.

Ordering a dry cappuccino makes you an awful human being.

Especially ordering one during the morning rush. They take forever to make, which backs up the rest of the orders. So congrats, now everyone behind you hates you. Plus, it’s not even a cappuccino; it’s a cup of milky-air with some espresso at the bottom. Ugh.

2. Early morning is horrible for everyone, including your barista, so inside voices are appreciated.

Early morning is horrible for everyone, including your barista, so inside voices are appreciated.

Look, I know this is customer service, but cut your barista a little slack if they seem less than thrilled to make your quad-shot short-pull non-fat latte at 7 a.m., OK?

3. Tipping goes a long way to good fortune.

Tipping goes a long way to good fortune.

It’s called coffee karma, which means the more you tip the more free drinks you receive from time to time. You don’t need to make it rain, but a light drizzle every now and again is much obliged and will not go unnoticed.

4. The lovely smell of fresh ground coffee gets oldreal fast.

The lovely smell of fresh ground coffee gets old real fast.

Customers are always like, “Don’t you just loooove that smell?” No, for now it reminds me of double-shifts and cranky customers.

5. The restroom is a privilege, not a right.

The restroom is a privilege, not a right.

OK, maybe not as extreme as this, but remember to be respectful to the fact that other people need to use it. That means not using it as a private conference room/dressing room/shower/shooting gallery/etc. Also, in most instances, coffee shop employees are in charge of cleaning them, so the less foul you can leave them the better.

6. Changing your order as your drink is being made is an asshole move.

Changing your order as your drink is being made is an asshole move.

“What’s that? You want to change it to soy but don’t want to pay the extra chargeand you want it iced?” *head explodes from rage*

7. A sample of coffee is not a free small coffee.

A sample of coffee is not a free small coffee.

You want to try today’s brew? Fine. You want to try it again and again? Then pay, you cheapskate.

8. Using “ordering hacks” and “secret menu” requests makes your barista hate you.

Using "ordering hacks" and "secret menu" requests makes your barista hate you.

Stop thinking it’s clever to order an iced americano then use the free milk to make your own iced latte. It is a blatant dick move and the entire barista community hates you for it.

9. Drinking decaf early in the morning is the most confusing thing ever.

Drinking decaf early in the morning is the most confusing thing ever.

Why anyone would order a large decaf anything at 6 a.m. is beyond me. But hey, it’s your $4.

10. Not every barista is great at latte art.

Not every barista is great at latte art.

Yes, this is awesome. No, I will not try to make you one.

11. Misspelling your name is not meant as an insult.

Misspelling your name is not meant as an insult.

My bad, Barbara.

12. Cleaning the milk fridge is the grossest possible task.

Cleaning the milk fridge is the grossest possible task.

Oh, goodie. Looks like a carton leaked and there is now a smelly, crusty layer to clean up. Awesome.

13. If you order while on your phone, revenge will be exacted.

15 Things Every Barista Knows To Be True

It’s petty, I know, but damn if it doesn’t feel good to do.

14. There is such a thing as too much caffeine.

15 Things Every Barista Knows To Be True

6 a.m.: double espresso
6:30 a.m.: black coffee
7:30 a.m.: macchiato
9 a.m.: another double espresso
10 a.m.: iced coffee
10:05 a.m.: *begins dancing maniacally to imaginary music as reality fades away*

15. Starbucks lingo is stupid.

Starbucks lingo is stupid.

‘Nuff said.

Sourced from Buzzfeed.com

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19 Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

1. The Meddling Youths

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

NBC

Culprit description: They stroll in and start touching everything, find a crude meaning in otherwise nonsexual objects, scream at nothing, and overall wreak havoc on the store.

2. The Fitting Room Partiers

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

VH1

Culprit description: Their job is to transform quiet dressing rooms into clubs, after spending HOURS in them. They only rely on their friends for help and making decisions, and treat you like you’ve got an invisibility cloak on.

3. The Giver, NOT The Taker

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Universal Pictures

Culprit description: They ask for different sizes in everything they try on, ultimately resulting in not buying anything.

4. The Chronic Questioner

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

FOX

Culprit description: They ask you and other customers questions about how they look and want “completely honest” answers.

5. The Insane Sales Fighter

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Culprit description: Usually elusive before the semi-annual sale, this customer takes a “gloves-off” approach to markdowns, and nothing can get in their way, not even you.

6. The Child from Hell

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Culprit Description: Uncontrollable, crass, and clinically insane, this child will poop, cry, or throw merch on the ground for attention.

7. And The Overworked Parent

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

NBC

Culprit description: This mom or dad has clearly reached the point of no return with their child, and has abandoned all hope for a peaceful shopping day out. The whole time you just want to hand them a Xanax.

8. The Barterer

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Oxygen / Via thenug.com

Culprit description: If an item is on sale, to them, it can be marked down even moreor they won’t buy it. They act like you can actually cut them a deal. Bye.

9. The Disgruntled Returner

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

NBC

Culprit description: From the moment they walk in, they have grown a new disdain for your store. It then is amplified by the fact that you can only give them store credit. That’s when shit really hits the fan.

10. The Squeezer

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Nickelodeon

Culprit description: Just so they can say they’re a certain size, they will do anything possible to cram themselves in a dress or pair of jeans that is way too small, and then ask you how they look.

11. The Examiner

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

TNT

Culprit description: Every stitch and fiber must be in its place, or they won’t be paying full price, or they better get another garment just like it in immaculate condition.

12. The Complainer

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Columbia Pictures

Culprit description: Everything they try on, no matter how big or small the person is, will have something wrong with it that makes them “look bad.” Their comments are clearly heard across the store.

13. The Horrible Shoplifter

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Culprit description: Their criminal efforts are valiant, but they’re so bad at it, it’s just fun to watch.

14. The Remote Gabber

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Bravo

Culprit description: Although not seen in stores, this person will call you asking if you have multiple products, and they don’t skimp on description. Meanwhile, you have a dozen other customers waiting in line.

15. The One Who Has No Idea What a Hanger Is

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Warner Bros. Pictures

Culprit description: They try on EVERYTHING and buy NOTHING, but as a parting gift, you get to hang up each and every item they left on the floor.

16. The Walker and Talker

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Cartoon Network

Culprit description: Their phone might as well be part of their body, because once they look up from texting, they’re talking on the phone. You then deal with the awkwardness of trying to help them and not interrupt.

17. The Entitled One

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

Culprit description: They know what they want, and your input isn’t it. You are strictly their servant to them.

18. The Shopaholic

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

CW

Culprit description: Every single sales associate knows this shopper, and your monthly commission will be made when he or she walks in out of the blue. They will buy anything and everything.

19. And finally, The Perfect Customer

19 Ridiculous Customers Anyone Who Works In Retail Has Encountered

FOX

Culprit description: This person is kind, polite, sincere, and knows how to hang things back up. They’re level-headed, appreciative, and willing to work with you, and ultimately make your job worth it.

Sourced from buzzfeed.com