Things Not To Do as a Chick-Fil-A Guest

Let’s get one thing straight: you will never need ten sauces for four nuggets. You don’t even need ten sauces for 24 nuggets. I know CFA sauce is good and you want to go home and put it on all of your sandwiches and pizza and oxygen, but we do sell 8 ounces of the stuff for a reason.

“Can I get my side salad with no tomatoes?”

“No, actually. No you cannot. Do you want to know why? Because we prep side salads ahead of time, and when someone makes a special request we have to make a brand new one. Do you know that we put one or two cherry tomatoes on our side salads? Do you know that they are small and round and contained enough that they don’t spread contaminating tomato-dust onto anything they touch? Do you know that you have fingers that work just as well as our kitchen staff’s? Do you know how easy it is to pick up that (those) tomato(es) all by yourself? You don’t even have to find a trash can, you can actually throw it out your window. I’m pretty sure it’s not littering when you’re tossing something that grows on the earth anyway. And look, your window is already open! You don’t even have to go to the work of pressing a button to get rid of those nasty little things. Unless you have an abnormal and extreme allergy and any form of slight contact with itty bitty tomatoes is life threatening to you, I think you can handle this one yourself.”

In a perfect world, that would be my answer to that question.

When I ask, “What would you like to drink?” There are many proper responses, but one of them is not “Yes.”

In case anyone is confused, a meal comes with a side and a drink. An entree does not. So when you say, “I want a number one meal with no drink,” you actually just sound uneducated and obnoxious. However, I would prefer you saying something like that to saying, “I want five sandwiches just the entrees, and two fries and a cole slaw and two fruit cups… and five cokes.” Because you know what just happened? I just rang up all those entrees and sides by themselves like you told me to, and now because of those cokes I have to cancel everything, hack into my super-mind that can memorize everything you just said, and re-ring every single thing. While being very angry.

“Wait, what? That actually happens?” Yes, yes it does. And don’t bother trying to come up with a good reason as to why anyone would desire their shake in a bag, because I have tried and there is no logical answer. They always fall back on the same thing… “It’s easier to carry.” But, um… I don’t really think that’s true. I’m fairly certain you can wrap your hand around a cup just as easily as you can carry a bag. Both options take one hand and no brains. But one is normal, and one creates an irritating and difficult situation and then probably causes you to spill something. I’ll let you figure out which is which.

If I can’t get mad at you for having 48094238902347 friends piled into your car screaming and laughing and yelling “LOL OHMYGAWD,” then you can’t get mad at me for setting your house on fire in the middle of the night… slash, not understanding your order at all.

Or anytime after 9:45ish.

When you start saying things like, “I want a number one with a doctor pepper,” here’s what happens: I hit a couple buttons and then make a doctor pepper. Then I pat myself on the back for being nice and efficient. But OH WAIT, efficiency means nothing when you have a fickle guest. “Actually, can I have a sweet tea instead of a doctor pepper?” I’ll say “Absolutely” but in my head I’m strangling you, because now what am I supposed to do with this mother trucking doctor pepper?

#9: Being slow.
I know you have 12 kids and that’s really cool, but it’s a lot cooler when you don’t sit at the window after I give you your massive order and hand out each meal individually to your entire family before driving away. I also love it when you don’t take five years counting out seven dollars in change whilst at the window. It’s called planning ahead, people.

#10: Thinking that my arms are 15 feet long.
If I had to estimate, I’d say they are around three feet long, probably less. So when you park a mile away from the window and expect me to hand you your food, you’ll understand when I crunch it all up and throw it like a football instead.#11: Cell phones.
It’s fine if you want to talk on your cell phone instead of listening to me repeating your order. It’s especially fine when I charge you for the wrong thing because you weren’t listening. It’s even more fine when you get pissed at me because youweren’t listening.

#12: Forgetting where you are.
If you ask me for “McNuggets” or “Arby’s Sauce,” I will assume you are mentally handicapped and/or tell you to go get your seeing eye dog before coming back. Probably not. But I’ll dream about it every night until people start being more aware of their surroundings.

#13: “Can I add five shakes to that?”
No.

#14: Polynesian sauce.
It’s pronounced like pol-ee-nee-shen. Not polyester sauce, asian sauce, polynaise sauce, pedestrian sauce, and most certainly not pomeranian sauce.

Sourced from cfa-confessions.blogspot.co.uk