The Types Of Customers At Starbucks That Will Annoy Every Barista
I actually worked at Starbucks for almost 3 years during my college years. It was a love and hate relationship. I loved working with my co-workers (except a few) but I hated dealing with some of the most difficult and strange customers. Over the years I’ve come to realization that there are a specific buckets Starbucks customers fall into.
Daily Customer – This is someone who’s addicted to Starbucks. They come in, drop all their hard earned money and get a $5 cup of coffee everyday. I know them by their drinks exactly the way they want it. Grande, sugar free vanilla, one pump hazelnut, non-fat, 2 splenda, latte.
I hate coffee customer – These people are usually teens. They come into a coffee shop and asks, “What should I get? but I hate coffee.” What the fuck are you doing in a coffee shop? Don’t come to a coffee shop if you don’t like coffee!
I don’t know what a fucking cappuccino is customer – These customers drive me nuts. These are the novice coffee drinkers. They have no idea what they want, but some how they’ve heard of the word cappuccino and maybe tried it once at a gas station. Cappuccinos are basically a shot of espresso, layered with a small amount of milk and most of it with milk foam. The scenario plays out like this. Jack ass comes in, doesn’t know what they want, they blurt out cappuccino, I make them one, than complain that this isn’t what they want. By this time, I figure out that they’re a newbie and they probably wanted a frappaccino. I curse in my head and proceed to make them one.
I’m a caffeine crackhead – These are the people who must drink coffee multiple times a day. Not just plain coffee but a $5 cup of coffee from Starbucks. These crackheads binge on coffee 3 times a day. That’s about on average $15 a day on coffee alone. People are fucking starving in this world and they’re soo high and mighty that they must treat themselves to a $15 worth of coffee every day.
I’m soo cool cause I have a laptop customer – These are the schmucks that come into the store, order one drink and sit for hours on end hogging up seats for actual paying customers. They tend to migrate to the coffee shop to display to the rest of the world that they’re doing something important. Hey! look at me! I’m on a computer! I’m doing something sooo important that I need to do it at a coffee shop where there’s all these people to watch me.
Frappaccino fuckers – Yea, I said it. Fuckers. Cause these are usually teens that come in packs of little fuckers (some big), and order dozens of frappacinos at a time. I fucking HATE the frapaccino station. You always run out of everything; ice, whip cream, syrup, toppings, frappaccino mix, ubb mix, all kinds of shit you just run out. I hate frappaccinos with a passion. I swore off frappaccinos since I’ve worked at a Starbucks. Fuck frappaccinos.
Calories don’t matter customers – I would say 90% of the customers probably don’t give a shit about the calories they consume in each of these drinks. Frappaccinos are the worst. I believe the caramel frappaccino has over 1500 calories in the venti. I knew a customer that would come in a few times a week and order a venti caramel frappaccino with a slice of caramel fudge cheese cake. He just consumed his daily caloric value in 15 minutes.
I need my drink perfect customers - These are the biggest pricks of them all. These are the people that make you’re daily life miserable. They’re pathetic life is so horrible that they must some how impart some of that negativity on to your life. I had a customer that would come in, order a grande, non-fat, 1 1/2 splenda, 22 second timed shot with 1 ice cube. She would wait by the bar and watch me time the shot. If it wasn’t perfect, she’d demand another. Then there’s cappuccino Jim. The worst of them all. This fucker would always order a cappuccino and watch you make his drink. If it wasn’t perfect, he’d come back after drinking half of it, and start cursing up a storm. What a fucking psycho.
Come at the last minute while we’re closing customer - Out of all the customers, I hate these people the most. It takes a while breaking things down, cleaning the machines, refilling everything for the morning crew. While we prepare to close in advance to leave on time, we get those straggler fucks that come in at the last minute asking for a cup of fucking coffee. Those who don’t know, all Starbucks store must open 10 minutes past the actual closing time. Just a rule corporate created to serve those who really wanted a cup of fucking coffee in the middle of the night and could barely make it till closing time. F*ck off!
Sourced from angrypants.com