10 Reasons Your Cashier Hates You

Here is everything you do that makes your cashier hate you, and how you don’t know they’re retaliating.

 

1. “I’m just gonna leave this here on the counter, I’ll be right back.”

Oh, yeah? You know, just the other day we were thinking, shopping carts are just too much work to expect the customer to use, so why don’t they just leave all their shit in our work space? Perfect.

 

2. “You’re out of ______.”

Thank you, sir, I did not realize what that empty spot on the shelf symbolized. But I can check in the back to see if we have any more.

 

3. “YOU’RE OUT OF __________!”

You know, it can be very frustrating when you travel to a store and it doesn’t have what you came for. What’s even more frustrating is thinking raising your voice will solve the problem, or holding your cashier accountable. But the most frustrating part of all is that the item in question is probably back-stocked, but you’re such an asshole that nobody is going to look for you and just say tough luck, pal.

 

4. “Do you take checks?”

This customer is very easy to spot before they even pull out their checkbook, as they’re all 65+ and female. Do we take checks? Yes, Mother Time, unfortunately we do.  “Oh you do?” *proceeds to write check with the slowest preciseness and perfect handwriting that they’ll never see again while holding up the line*

 

5. “I’ve been to three stores already today and you don’t have it either.”

Frustration understood. Nobody wants to spend their day looking for things. But why the hell are you getting so frustrated at this point? Call it a day. Call the stores before you drive to them and ask if they have what you’re looking for. Better yet, go online. But it isn’t your cashier’s fault you avoided these wiser options, so don’t take out your misguided anger on them.

 

6. ” You don’t close for 2 minutes? Oh I’ll be right out I just have to get one thing.”

No. No. You won’t be right out, and it’s Friday. Why are you even at this store this late on Friday? Don’t you have anything better to do? Oh, of course not since you’re here, assuming your cashier also has no place better to be. No discounts for you.

 

7. “Do you price match your website?”

Did you really just ask if we could price match the internet? Let me single-handedly defeat the purpose of the world wide web for you. COME ON. The internet is supposed to be cheaper, bro.

 

8. “I slid my card. Why isn’t is working?”

Your cashier is here to assist you through your purchase, not hold your hand while providing step-by-step instructions for using an electronic payment terminal. It has a screen for a reason, uppity soccer mom who is rushing to be at peewee league on time. By choosing to pay with your convenient swipe card, you are choosing to complete your transaction with the computer, not the cashier. So between sliding your card and your cashier handing you your receipt, you’re on your own! If you can’t figure it out, well…

 

9. “That hundred looks good, doesn’t it? I just printed that one.”

You’re hilarious. And original. Your cashier just laughs at your shitty joke because they don’t want to explain for the 50th time that they will lose their job if they accept a fake bill. So yes, we will put your $100 bills under black lights and hold them up for the watermark. And if you look like a drug dealer or a crook, we’ll check your 20s and 50s too. Making this joke will not deter anyone from believing your bill may be fake.

 

10. “Can I return this without the receipt?”

It’s open, so it can’t be put back on the shelf. The price tag stuck to the box in no way matches any price tag used to mark items in this store. They paid cash, so you can’t try to pull up the receipt for them. Since when do you get to buy something, use it, and then return it to a store it didn’t come from? And now you’re going to get salty that I am returning your item, in exchange for a gift card? We don’t even believe you bought that here.