5 Lies Exchanged During Supermarket Transactions
1. “Hi. How are you today?”
Both parties will exchange lies during this question. No matter who raises the question first—both lie through their teeth. Neither cashier nor customer will let the other know how shitty their day is. The customer would be the only who is having a good day. The cashier’s day is already horrible having to work at a dead-end job taking people’s money and scanning ice cream for fat-asses. The customer bottles up their misery and detest for their depressing lives and replies, “I’m doing good.” The customer replies almost exactly the same. Not giving off any indication that their life is equally as shitty.
2. “Find everything okay?”
This question is to indicate that the cashier actually cares whether or not the customer had an easy time finding the items they uses to pester the cashier. The cashier has no interest in the ease of shopping the customer had. The customer always lies in return and admits they had no problem finding their items. This isn’t true as the customer had to go all over the aisles finding products in places that don’t make any sense. The poor layout of the store may make sense to the regular patron, but for the first time visitor, the juice being on the other side of the store as the soda, is quite baffling.
3. “These are really good.”
The cashier will often comment on products the customer has in order to break the awkward silence of the shopper staring the employee down as they work. The employee will often express knowledge about a particular product—making up facts that the food the customer bought is delicious. The cashier doesn’t really know if those are good. Their tastes may be different than that of the customer. Some people think cucumbers taste better than pickles.
4. “Paper or plastic?”
This inquiry is one of the most dreaded questions a cashier or bagger has to ask. They offer two choices but the customer will be a total dick if they have the audacity of asking for paper. It is a known fact that bagging items in paper bags totally sucks. It’s super annoying to open the damn bag up and place items in the bag like Tetris. This is a lie because the default answer should be ‘plastic’ but, every so often, there comes some prick who wants paper. May they burn as easily as their bag choice.
5. “We appreciate your business. Have a great day.”
The company loves getting the money but the cashier could care less. They get their meager paycheck in the service of making the company more money in one day that they will ever make in their life. The cashier loafed every minute of the transaction. From greeting the shopper with a fake smile, to bottling their pride and wishing the customer a great day—the cashier dies a little each time. Wishing the customer a good day is proper etiquette but it’s never sincere. The customer has some nerve to believe the minimum wage earning employee would waste what wishes they have on a customer’s day. If they could—they’d wish themselves a better day. Better life even.
The customer will occasionally wish the employee a good day if the cashier is as apathetic as they should be. It’s simple throwaway goodwill. No sincerity is put into it, so it’s an empty gesture. The customer could give a shit whether or not the lowly peasant has a good day. The only reason why they exchanged pleasantries was because it was a means to an end.
Would they all have such goodwill toward each other if it were not for the mutual need for each other? The cashier needs the customer to fund the company that pays them. The customer needs the goods the company has and therefore must submit to the authority of the scanning, money handling employee. A simple yet powerful symbiotic relationship of the retail industry.
Sourced from theyam.org