8 Infuriating Customer Types Every Retail Worker Knows

Welcome any and all who have ever worked retail, or any job that deals with the general public. Have you ever just had one of those days where you need to scream, but are resigned to a fist-clenched ride home? It may be such a cliche thing to say, but as with all who have done anything from a day to multiple years with The General Public know, there’s certain things we need to get off our collective chests.

With the likes of Halloween generating evermore frenetically apocalyptic scenes of public consumption, the lead-up to Christmas is surely to be just as mental, and so as something of a cleanse I’ve compiled a list of Customer Types that, if you’ve ever encountered, crop up with increasing annoyance this time of year.

What follows is a steaming pile of passionate vitriolic rambling, but it’s all in good fun. Unless of course you are one of the entrants on the list, in which case you should seek immediate help.

8. The In-Opportune Arriver

Been thinking about taking your break for a good 20 minutes now? Looking forward to shutting out the world for those 30 solid gold minutes of solitude?

Well that is when the IOA arrives, wanting an item that is either a) Hard to reach/obtain without going through unnecessary stress, or b) Just plain out of stock, yet they insist they “saw it in here last week” in some parallel dimension where they think insisting on its existence will magically produce said item from the palpable hatred we are now excreting.

7. The Converser

This particular cretin will start conversations by themselves, usually only barely relating to the item they’re purchasing. ‘Now my daughter has one of these and she once told me….’ or ‘Yeah my other one of these broke and I thought I’d come in and…’.
Now hold on, excuse me, but where along this chain of interaction did we give the impression that we gave a flying, syrup-soaked cheese sandwich why you’re purchasing anything?

Please just come in, be polite, keep the chatter to a minimum, and be on your merry way, safe in the knowledge that your resolute silence after the end of a transaction is like birds chirping in the mild-morning mist to us.

6. The Last-Minute Additions

‘Oh and can I just get…’ NO, no you cannot.

How hard is it to order everything you want in one transaction?? With our collective fingers poised on the last button of a interaction, waiting patiently to banish this persons’ presence from your existence within seconds, they decide to add something else on to prolong their placement in your life.

It’s never anything approaching essential, it’s always some perfunctory little trinket that has the personal value of a particularly ardent bit of mud, just as soon to be banished into the amorphous pile of waste everything else of non-daily-usage gets thrown into and forgotten about after the impulse wears off.

5. The Contortionist

These clownish fumblers always insist on sprawling their change back onto your counter and putting everything away in a specific place before they move out of the queue. Their limbs flailing as if you’ve just given them many flaming hot potatoes, they perform a range of labyrinthine arm movements accompanied by grunts and groans as they struggle to handle that sticky combination of a few coppers and a receipt that you’ve given them.

You’d think over the age of 10 they’d have gotten used to the old hand-eye coordination concept, but as becomes increasingly evident in retail, the public drop a good 100 IQ points upon entering any serving scenario.

4. The Entitled Parent

Brought up on a mind-destroying diet of tabloid press and hyperbolic mainstream news outlets, TEP is determined to pick a fault with even the most child-friendly of displays or shop scenery. Got a poster for an action movie or game where the character is brandishing anything more lethal than a slightly moist towel? It’s in danger of polluting the minds of The Children!

God forbid they actually have a discussion with their child as to the whys and wherefores of life, instead they’re content on blaming all outside media for any potential effect it may or may not have on their kid.

3. The Traffic Congestors

Single mothers are these, wielders of oversized prams and an assortment of bottles, toys and other accessories to keep the little snot-buckets happy. Now I don’t have a problem with mothers doing everything for their children, infact I genuinely think mothers are the nearest thing to superheroes we have on this Earth.

However with that being said, when did shopping become so important that you shove your child down aisles and around tiny gaps just so you can get the latest deals? “Well I need to go shopping today, and damned if I’m gonna let my 1 year old child get between me and that novelty candle holder!”

2. The Parents Who Do Not Care

We’ve all seen them, The Parents Who Do Not Care, doing all their shopping as if that little screaming demon in the corner did not belong to them.

They seem fairly content taking time to decide which pointless piece of garden furniture they think will make their house look remotely appealing whilst their hellspawn pulls stock off the shelves, rips displays apart and generally causes a huge ruckus, yet the only occasional excursion of power given to the child is “oh you better stop that, the man/woman will come and kick you out!”.

I say thee nay, “the man/woman” in question here, wants to kick their face off.

1. The 5-Minute Pest

Possibly the worst one on this list, The 5MP can ruin a perfectly good shift, or drive you over the edge.

Just the sheer audacity a single individual can show by walking into a place, five minutesbefore the end of the day, whilst tills are being cashed and floors are being swept, and then have the collective testicular-fortitude to ask for something, is beyond me. The fact they do it with such disregard for common decency is worse than the majority of hate crimes. A truly horrid human being this, avoid at all costs by shutting the doors as soon as possible.

Hopefully after all that we’ve had a collective exhale, but I welcome any and all stories in the comments, or additional Types you’ve encountered and would like to add in!

Sourced from whatculture.com