Yes, a store may be open from 10 a.m. to 9:30 p.m., but that doesn’t mean you should start your over-the-top shopping adventure at 9:28 p.m. Like other people, retail employees have real lives. You may frown upon their $8.25 per-hour salary, and think they’re the bottom-rung of society, but like you, they probably have other things going on as well: a midterm paper to write, a girlfriend to take out, or a blizzard to drive home in.

There’s another reason for not shopping two minutes before the store closes: you won’t get quality service. Did you ask for four pairs of shoes and the associate only returned with one or none? That’s because they wanted you to get out the store ASAP.

“Hey, how are you folks doing today?” Is probably what you’ll hear upon entering any retail store. The associate doesn’t really want to talk to you, but it’s a friendly gesture to show they offer customer service. The normal shopper returns with a friendly, “good” and smiles. No big deal, right? But when you look the person dead in the eyes and keep walking it becomes the ultimate “fuck you.” Maybe you didn’t hear them properly, but something as simple as the reciprocation of this gesture ensures some level of customer service. If you choose to ignore the associate, it makes it unlikely that they will approach you again. The store could have an additional 40 percent off all sale items, but the rejection of the greeting means you might miss out on the sale.

Everyone needs to know how clothes should fit, and it often takes some trying on. There’s no shame in slipping on a pair of jeans or blazer to see how it fits. Keep everything in perspective, it’s a retail store, not your personal runway show. Clothes are in the store so you can try them on, and decide whether you want to make a purchase or not. When you grab 17 items and lock yourself in the fitting room for an hour, you’re not only a jerkoff, but potentially also stopping other customers—with intentions to make a purchase—from the opportunity of accessing an open fitting room. Unless you’ve worked retail before, and feel sympathy for the employee, there’s a good chance the fitting room is an absolute fucking disaster when you waltz out to upload your style shots on Instagram.

It’s cool when an employee will hold an item for you. Some stores don’t even have hold policies, and will just put the item back on the shelf, which causes folks to miss out on some fresh gear their money wasn’t right for. People understand financial problems, or a customer unsure of making a purchase. It happens every day. What’s wack is when someone grabs six items and says, “can you put these on hold for me?” with no real intentions of ever making a purchase.

That could have been the last size large in the extra crispy sweater that someone has been losing their mind over for awhile. But guess what? You didn’t know it was in the store because “Johnny Indecisive” decided to say, “hold that for me, I’ll be right back,” only to never be heard from or seen again.

There is no science to fitting room etiquette, but it goes without saying that it’s suspect if a couple brings 25 items into a fitting room together. You’re not being slick or fooling anyone. While you might be able to “check one off your list,” this is disgusting. Fitting rooms are hardly cleaned past a quick vacuum. Would you like to try on your new hot jawnz in a room that features another’s fun and funk? We didn’t think so. Also, the last thing you need is to get kicked out of your favorite store, or receive a no trespass order from a mall. Online shopping is cool, but what are you going to say when your next fling wants to know why you can’t walk through the mall with her? Awkward. Anyways, Burger King bathrooms are cooler, ask Humpty Hump .

If there’s something else that a retail associate does besides sell, it’s clean, fold, and upkeep the store. Customers need to look at clothes, that’s the nature of the business, but you should remember that every item you unfold—someone else will have to refold. Employees should do their job, however the employees are there to help you. Need a medium? Ask the guy or girl that works there—that’s their job.

There’s no need to unfold the same shirt in twelve different colors, and then proceed to throw them in a big pile on the table, across the store, or in something that resembles your laundry basket in the corner of the fitting room. It’s a simple courtesy. While being a clean shopper isn’t going to get you props off the bat, if you make a wreck of the store, associates will count the seconds until you leave.

Malls are known for their food courts, and often the malls pump the scents throughout the ventilation system in order to build an inescapable high-calorie hunger. Some stores are even nice enough to let people bring in food or drinks. This gesture involves some level of responsibility on the shopper’s end as well. Accidents happen, but if you happen to spill your chocolate shake all over the floor, a stack of chinos, or in front of the store—tell someone.

There’s a good chance that your toddler accidentally took the soda you gave them—what’s up childhood obesity—and threw it down, causing a catastrophic mindfuck of a mess. It’s not the end of the world, but it sure sucks to get paid $7-per hour and now have to take up janitorial responsibilities you never signed up for. Run, flag down the employee, and ask if you can help clean up the mess. In the end, you seem like a decent human being.

Discounts are nice. No one likes to overspend. That’s not news. However, begging for a discount—like anything—makes you look desperate. Maybe the employee will like you, and this is the start of a continual hook-up. But beware: if you ask for a discount several times and never receive one, there’s a good chance that you’ll neverreceive one.

This situation can be remedied. Where do you work? Maybe the employee would love a discount at your place of business. You can barter. But remember, if someone were to ask you for a discount at your job and the answer is a resounding “no,” you can’t be mad if the employee reacts the same way. Chances are, you’re shopping at a corporate American store where the manager breathes down the employee’s neck, and threatens to fire them over “discount abuse.” Would you like someone to potentially risk you your job? Probably not.

So, you were cool (or nice, or bribing) enough for the employee to give you a discount. Great. You’re moving up in the retail world. But now you decided to bring a new problem upon yourself: you decided to return the item the employee gave you a mega discount on. Big no-no.

This is the retail equivalent of someone going out of the way to pick you up a sandwich, and then you just toss it in the trash. Normally, a lot of stores need to make sales margins, and employees work on commission. The return of the item not only puts a dent in the store’s profits, takes away the associate’s commission, it also makes them think you’re an asshole. Nice job.

You had this great idea: buy clothes you can’t really afford, wear them, return them, and think the employee will never notice. Wrong. When a sneaker is creased and has a dirt-filled sole, a shirt smells like cigarettes, or pants have legit honeycombs and whiskers, you’re not fooling anyone. Stores sell clothes, not rent them. If you wanted to rent a suit, go to the horrible place you got your high school prom tuxedo from. It might not seem real, but stores actually have “do not return” lists full of customers who make fraudulent returns