Just Funny Archives - Page 14 of 47 - I Hate Working In Retail

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You should never have “UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA” shouted at you by a disembodied voice ever again.

 The disembodied voice on self-service checkouts in supermarkets is infuriating.

The disembodied voice on self-service checkouts in supermarkets is infuriating.

Wikipedia Commons / Jay Gooby / Via commons.wikimedia.org

It’s getting late. You’ve had a long day at work. You’re in the supermarket, trying to buy a slab of cheddar and some pasta. You’re using a self-service checkout because self-service checkouts are all that supermarkets provide nowadays for reasons of making your life miserable.

You swipe the first item and straight away you’re stuck in a circle of doom, as a disembodied voice shouts at you about “unexpected items in the bagging area”.

You know what we’re talking about. Just listen to this.

We’re sure it looked more fun on Supermarket Sweep.

But on most machines there is a little-known way to make them quiet. Just look for the volume button at the bottom of the screen. Press it three times, or until the mute icon appears.

vine.co / Via Jim Waterson

Do this and you’ll be left in complete silence. You’ll never hear the phrase “unexpected items in the bagging area”. There’ll be no more voices inviting to swipe your Clubcard. And no more echoing robot voice of doom berating your inability to weigh carrots properly.

There you go. Just use this trick and the machine is completely muted.

There you go. Just use this trick and the machine is completely muted.

Jim Waterson / BuzzFeed

You can relax and do your shopping in peace.

You can thank us later.

This Is The Secret Way To Turn Off The Annoying Voice On Self-Service Checkouts
DanIsNotOnFire / Via tumblr.com
Sourced from buzzfeed.com
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The 12 Stages Every Retail Worker Experienced On Black Friday

For the most part, everyone loves the day after Thanksgiving. Whether it’s a day of pure relaxation and recovery from binge eating turkey and stuffing with family, or a mad dash to the nearest mall, most people are at least somewhat grateful that Black Friday exists. Unless you work in retail. Then Black Friday becomes one of the most dreadful days of the year, right up there with the day after Christmas and, sometimes, Christmas Eve.

No matter what store you work at, all retail associates have to deal with the same things when Black Friday rolls around — extremely early hours, merchandise-crazy shoppers, and insanely messy stores. Sounds like a piece of cake, right? And though a good Black Friday purchase can make your entire day brighter, retail workers aren’t so lucky — they’re hit with waves of different emotions as the day wears on. I’ve even witnessed an associate cry after being yelled at by an impatient customer when I worked at American Eagle in high school. Here are the 12 emotions every retail worker will experience this Black Friday (and if you’ve worked on Black Friday before like I have, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about). Keep these people in your thoughts today, k?

1. Hopeful Anxiety

You’ve been warned about Black Friday by all your veteran coworkers, but it really doesn’t seem too terrible. Or perhaps you’ve worked Black Friday last year, and the 365 days in between made your memory a bit fuzzy. Either way, it can’t really be THAT bad, right? RIGHT??

2. Slight Panic

Crap! There are already people lined up outside. Not ready.

3. Cautious Excitement

The first customers want to get in and out as fast as possible so they can hit up the other stores. Business as usual for you so far. You knew it wouldn’t be so bad!

4. Dazed and Confused

Hundreds of customers come charging in, bright eyed and bushy tailed after sleeping off that Thanksgiving food baby belly. Still. Not. Ready.

5. Full-On Panic

You know when you get on a treadmill and accidentally make the speed waaaay too high, so you’re running for your life while simultaneously pushing buttons to stop the damn thing?? Yeah, that’s you right now.

6. Completely Drained

Glad that’s over. Wait, how long have I been awake?? It’s only 11:30 a.m.?? Excuse me?!

7. Full-Bellied Contentment

Well you survived the morning shift, and managed to get something from the jungle that is the food court. A bit tired, but still alive. How bad could the afternoon shift be?

8. In Need of Salvation

One minute you’re telling a woman she can’t rip the clothes off the storefront mannequin and try them on, the next minute you’re chasing a group of little kids around the store, trying to stop them from having a dance party on all the clothes that are on the floor. The place isn’t even recognizable anymore.

9. Fleeting Calm

You duck into the employee bathroom for a much-needed 3-minute break. You try to remember what your yoga teacher said about aligning your chakras to find inner peace. WOOOOOOSAH.

10. Absolutely Pooped

Closing time. You can’t wait till those last few stragglers, ahem, customers, pay and get out. A couple people try to knock on the door, but you gleefully point to the sign in the window — CLOSED.

11. Shock and Horror

Wait, who has to fold up all these shirts with size 6 shoe prints on them from the aforementioned children’s dance party?? AND make sure that there are 12 small, medium, large, and extra large blouses in ROYGBIV order??

12. Sheer Ecstasy 

It’s over. ‘Nuff said.

 

Sourced from bustle.com

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Ben Wenzl’s Poem About Working Retail During the Holiday Season Is Awesome

Mario Tama/Getty Images News/Getty Images

If you have ever held a job in retail during the holidays, you’re aware of the mind-numbing absurdity of topical capitalism. This is perhaps best captured in Omaha, Nebraska comedian and slam poet Ben Wenzl’s “Working Retail During the Holiday Season,” spoken-word poem, which could be alternately titled “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Oh My Effing God Are You Effing Kidding Me,” which functions as a foul-mouthed homage to the collective toils of anyone who’s ever endured this unfortunate but inevitable season. Wenzl’s performance is relevant, impassioned, and candid as he spits the holiday hatred felt by all of us who’ve worked at the Gap or similar spots over Christmas break.

If you are not a person who’s had the soul-crushing privilege of working end-of-year customer service, allow me to break down some of the more insufferable highlights: a maximum number of three holiday albums cycle through one after another on your employer’s PA, every day, incessantly, for the duration of a three-month period; also of note, people are commercially coaxed to buy far more than they can reasonably afford, leading to a high influx of returned merchandise and subsequent cuts to your commission (if you’re fortunate enough to make it); and let us not forget the annual reel of holiday sale brawls (which, by the way, are not as hilarious as you may think).

So this, dear reader, is why Ben Wenzl is all of us. “If that customer returns one more goddamn item,” Wenzl says, “I swear to you I’m gonna break every candle in this goddamn f*cking store, and then roll around on the shards of glass covering the entire surface area until this store floor is a bloody Jackson Pollock.” We hear you, dude.

Stoke your holiday vitriol fire by watching the video below.

Sourced from bustle.com

 

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