Anyone who has endured working in the retail industry knows that it is desperately far from as ‘easy going’ as it often appears. After all, how hard can it be to fetch items and process transactions, right? Wrong.
It’s not so much the gruelling, everlasting, no tea or toilet break shifts, or the arguably offensive hourly wage. Moreover it’s the customers who force retailers to sigh so mournfully when the alarm goes off in the mornings. Working with the public is tough! And keeping you guys happy is even tougher. WUWO has dug out The Top 20 Customer Crazies: Discover which category you ascend from with the top 20 reasons behind why retailers hate the general public.
THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
This is a phrase that even those who have never worked in retail are abundantly aware of. As for those who do work in retail; well they never hear the end of it. TIP: Nobody likes a know it all.
THE SOMETHING FOR NOTHING.
The ones who examine every item in intricate detail for the slightest fault, in order to demand a reduction. Occasionally causing faults themselves, these cheapskates will stop at nothing to hustle a few extra quid off the asking price.
THE CHANGE PAYER.
The customers who purchase a 49.99 item with a mass of shrapnel that’s been dug out from behind generations of sofas. These guys are the most inconvenient customers of all time.
THE CREEP.
These consumers are very far and few between. But once you serve one, you may as well have sold your soul to the devil. Expect them to make an appearance every day for the next 5-6 years to lurk, stare, and smell the stock.
THE MESSIAH OF MESS.
Whether it’s a mess the kids made, a destructive teenager hitting puberty, or an inconsiderate adult, these customers create havoc wherever they tread. Radiating silent signals to the store decor, price tags and stock will begin to rain down like leaves in the autumn.
THE ‘I’M BETTER THAN YOU’.
One of the worst customers you will ever encounter. They spend more time looking down their noses than anything in the actual store. Superior shoppers that are under the belief you are a lower form of species put on this earth to serve their every whim, often rubbing their higher paid job or fancy flash car in your exhausted over-worked face.
THE FREQUENT COMPLAINER.
Moan, groan, and moan some more. These ‘glass half empty’ individuals are a real buzz kill. From unfitting room temperatures, to complaints about staff or ‘pricey’ stock, these customers will hunt for any available opening to make your life a misery.
MR & MRS HANDS.
We all know Mr. & Mrs. hands, compulsively caressing everything within reach. Including you! There are ways of avoiding the tricks of the touchy feely. The best tip I can offer you, when handing back change or a receipt, do not linger. Given the opportunity these folk will have your hand hostage for much longer than you care for.
THE INDECISIVE.
“Do I get the black one, or the blue one? The red one is quite nice, although saying that I could go for the white one because it goes with my new jeans. What do you think? The black one? I’m not sure if that will match my new jeans but I suppose I could try a different style neck line. Can I try th..” NO. THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME JUST PICK ONE AND PAY.
THE THREATENER.
The customer who is on a permanent power trip. Demanding to speak to your manager or Head Office in relation to anything from a dislike to your service or the fact what they want is not currently in stock. TIP: Bite your tongue, and kiss bottoms.
THE BARGAIN HUNTER.
The most dangerous shopper known to mankind. The bargain hunter will sever arm and leg to get the last pair of half off boots or to be first in line for a 75% OFF SALE. Do not underestimate them.
THE JAMES BONDS.
The smooth criminals that have a friend of a friend that knows the wife of the managers’ best friends’ cats’ previous owner. These guys have a questionable need to be served by the same employee upon every visit. If said employee is not there, and someone else bites the bullet, James Bond will complain, and he will be using his prestige connections to file a complaint against you.
THE ‘TOO BUSY FOR YOU’.
Usually distinguished by the Smartphone or Bluetooth headset super glued to their ear, these customers are impatient and ignorant, only communicating with you via sign language. And by sign language, we mean pointing aggressively and expecting us to know what item, size and price range… telepathically.
THE CAUTIOUS SPENDER.
Most of us will find what we are looking for, purchase, ride the waves of consumer satisfaction, realise we probably shouldn’t have, and return home as if it never happened. But these guys, no such luck. The cautious spender will find what they want, spend 3 hours looking for better, comparing, testing, searching, creating wish lists, only to end up back where they started, but never buying. The most infuriating shopper you will ever bear witness too.
THE KILL WITH KINDNESS.
Now, don’t get me wrong, a friendly customer is much preferred than any other. But some of you – particularly common among senior citizens and retirees – remind those in retail of the chicken in Foghorn Leghorn. “I said I said go away boy ya’ botherin’ me.” These dear darlings will talk your ear off about the grandkids starting school, latest doctor appointments, and given the chance quote memoirs of their late husband/wife. TIP: Look busy, even if you’re not.
THE REFUND REFUGEES.
Similar to the SOMETHING FOR NOTHING inhabitants, The Refund Refugees will attempt to return anything with a tag on. Worn out shoes ‘’I have never worn’’, Dresses stinking of spirits and cigarette smoke “I have never worn”, even underwear. I needn’t tell you the state of those that of course were ‘never worn’. These guys seem to have a tough time distinguishing the difference between a store and a rental shop.
THE NOSE PINCHERS.
Ever had a customer that looked like they’ve just walked out of a low budget horror movie, wreaking to the high heavens? It’s hard to maintain the act of respectful sales assistant when you’re serving a real life replica of Fungus the Bogeyman. The burning desire to dunk these guys in soapy water is almost as overwhelming as the smell!
BAD BREATH BUYERS.
This bunch deserved to have a separate mention altogether as opposed to being a component of the nose pinchers. The title is self explanatory. TIP: take care of your teeth; you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
THE CONTAGIOUS CREW.
Coughing and spluttering, sneezing and snivelling, these walking germ banks are an absolute nightmare. As a customer service advisor, you have to remain professional at all times, despite the replaying image of germs flying through the air and landing all over you as you serve. TIP: Do not inhale when in direct contact with a contagious crew member.
THE SPACE INVADORS.
There is at least 50sq ft of space, and they chose to stand 5cm over the invisible line that borders your personal space. In conjunction with a Contagious Crew, A Nose Pincher, or a Bad Breath Buyer, this combination can be both deadly and impossible to sustain common courtesy.
Retail Ranking: How many have you encountered?
0-5 ROOKIE
6-10 WEEKENDER
11-15 GRAFTER
15+ TAKE A BREAK BEFORE THEY BREAK YOU.
(Or maybe they already have)
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