retail lists Archives - Page 13 of 35 - I Hate Working In Retail

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The 10 Worst Types of Grocery Shoppers

Grocery shopping these days is not for the faint of heart. So many choices; so many prices; and so many people. That’s why when it comes to getting groceries, I like to get in and get out as efficiently as possible. There’s just one problem: these assholes.

The Too Many Items Asshole
worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes
When you sneak in front of me at the express checkout lane, and I look at your cart full of groceries, only one thought is going through my mind: You fucking prick. Everyone else is thinking it, too, including the cashier. I know you are not a 5-year-old, and I know you understand the rules, so I also know now that you are a selfish, entitled asshole. The 15 items or less line is genius, but only if jackasses like you don’t screw it up for everyone. I hope you get a flat tire on your drive home.

The Old Lady Paying With a Check
worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes
Listen lady, I know you’re old and I should respect my elders, but just because you’re not in a hurry doesn’t mean the rest of us who didn’t wake up at 5 a.m. today aren’t. You probably just figured out how to send an email to your grandchildren, so take the next step and learn how to use a debit card. And if you absolutely must write a check, have everything other than the amount filled out BEFORE the cashier tells you your total. And for the love of God, forget about the memo line, granny.

The Aisle Blocker
worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes
Excuse me, miss? Would you mind getting your damn cart out of the middle of the aisle so I can grab some Easy Mac? There’s a pretty good rule of thumb to go by if you want to avoid blocking the aisle and pissing everyone off: If your cart is not directly beside you, it is in the way. Furthermore, if you have wandered away from your cart because you are on the phone with your mom who is helping you find items for a new recipe, it is in the way and I hate you. Clear the lane.

Mr. First Time in Self-Checkout
worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes
You don’t have to be old to be this guy. You just have to be a dumbass, which you are, because you can’t figure out how to scan, bag and pay for the three items in your hands. Typically, two out of four self-checkouts are out of order at any given grocery store, so if you aren’t confident in your skills just go wait in the express lane and hope that The Too Many Items Asshole isn’t holding things up.

The Coupon Queen
worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes
Congratulations! You just saved 39 cents on your third Stouffer’s Lasagna and got ten cans of tuna for the price of nine. You’ve also wasted a large chunk of your life trying to swindle a grocery store chain that makes billions of dollars out of a few bucks a year. There’s nothing wrong with taking savings when it’s readily available, but Coupon Queens and other “super couponers” are losers.

The Produce Sniffer
worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes
What the hell is wrong with you? In what world do you need to shove fruits and vegetables up your nose to make sure they are good enough for your diet? You are a weird dude, rivaled only by the The Fruit Molester a couple rows down. It’s almost as if you think you are on another planet, and the only way to tell if that cucumber is safe to eat is to snot all over it. Please buy everything you touch, you freak.

The Deli Counter Sampler
worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes
Do you see that number on the wall back there? It says 42, and the ticket I’m holding says 51. I’m going to be here all damn day if you don’t stop sampling every side dish and asking for a test slice to make sure your honey-baked ham is cut to the perfect sixteenth-of-an-inch thickness. This isn’t a fucking free buffet and the workers have other customers to get to so just get the medium-sized container of chicken salad like you always do and get the hell out of here.

The Checked Out Parent
worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes
Some shoppers may find it funny or cute that your son is sitting in the freezer, but nobody finds it funny that your other kid is currently screaming and knocking cereal off the shelf. You may have had a stressful week, and the last thing you want to be doing right now is shopping with your children, but that does not give you the right to check out and let them treat the store like a goddamn Chuck E. Cheese’s. It’s nobody else’s fault that you are daydreaming about life before you had kids while staring at your grocery list, so snap out of it and get your animals under control.

The Food Spoiler
worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes
The most annoying part about this terrible person is that you don’t know who it is. It could be that lazy looking schlub over there, or it could be the innocent looking cute girl over there. Or it could be you! The Food Spoiler doesn’t necessarily harm me in any way, but knowing that someone grabbed a perishable food item, then decided they didn’t want it, and was too lazy to walk it back to where it belongs really irks me. If there was any justice in this world, whoever did it would get the spoiled milk dumped on their head in the parking lot.

The Still Trying to Pick Up Chicks at the Grocery Store Scumbag
worst grocery shoppers, grocery store assholes
You’re gross. You’re creepy. Everyone thinks you suck. To top it off, you’re the worst of the worst when it comes to asshole grocery shoppers. Please go home immediately.

Sourced from mandatory.com

 

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What Every Server Thinks During Every Shift

Pabak Sarkar
Pabak Sarkar
  1. Alright, it’s a Friday… it’s going to be a good night.
  2. Wait; there are only 90 on the books?
  3. Our first reservation isn’t until 6:45…
  4. Alright, I guess I’ll polish.
  5. Why are there 10 waiters on right now?
  6. I’m glad I’m the only one polishing…
  7. No, it’s cool, we only have a pooled house… it’s fine that I’ll make no money tonight.
  8. I’m hungry…
  9. Would it be entirely inappropriate to drink before our tables get here?
  10. The bartender looks hot tonight… (editors note: this applies if it’s a male or female bartender)
  11. I wish I were the bartender… they don’t have to pool their tips…
  12. Alright, it’s 6:00….
  13. SOMEONE JUST PARKED IN THE LOT… yes!
  14. I’m still hungry…
  15. Oh, no… it’s an old couple…
  16. Ill let someone else take that table…
  17. At least we have a party of 12 coming in…
  18. I’m so bored.
  19. Do I have a table yet?
  20. Every other section has a table but me…
  21. Thank god we pool tips; at this rate I’ll make nothing
  22. I’m still hungry…
  23. I’m just going to eat one roll…
  24. I’m just going to have ONE MORE roll…
  25. Why did the hostess just double seat me…
  26. There’s 40 other open tables in other sections…
  27. Does she have a vendetta against me?
  28. No, no! DO NOT BRING THOSE OLD PEOPLE TO MY SECTION
  29. Oh, you dirty bitch… what is this mind game you’re playing with me, HOSTESS?
  30. Time to put on the fake smile and talk to people
  31. Oh, okay… you need another moment, let me just go to another tab… oh, you just want me to stand here while you make up your mind.. cool
  32. So, you want the porterhouse for 4, even though there’s only 2 of you?
  33. Yes? Okay, I’ll bring out a whole cow for you.
  34. Okay, time for the old people…
  35. Oh, you can’t hear me? Well, I’m talking AS LOUD AS I CAN WITHOUT DISTRUBING THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT
  36. So, you want the chopped salad, but without cucumbers, peppers, avocado, and tomato… and no dressing?
  37. So, you just want cheese and lettuce?
  38. IS THAT HOSTESS COMING TO MY SECTION WITH A FIVE TOP?
  39. SHE IS LUCKY “THE PURGE” IS JUST A MOVIE BECAUSE SHE WOULD BE FIRST ON MY LIST
  40. I really like her outfit though.
  41. Ugh, it’s so unfair that she gets to wear such cute outfits and here I am in this frumpy waiters uniform
  42. I need a cigarette.
  43. Did she just bring CHILDREN INTO MY SECTION
  44. I fucking hate children
  45. Oh, no ma’am… it’s totally okay that your child just threw a French fry at my face with ketchup on it… Maybe he’ll be a baseball player with that aim! Haha… not.
  46. Maybe, instead of handing your kid an iPad and ignoring it all day, YOU CAN TEACH IT SOME MANNERS
  47. Seriously, cut my eggs out now because I do not want to be like those people.
  48. Oh fuck, my food is up for table 45… I’ll just let the runner bring it out.
  49. Oh, woops, I forgot to ring in their second drink… I’ll do it in a second…
  50. Let me see how their meal is…
  51. Well, miss, you ordered a filet WELL DONE… of course there’s no “red”
  52. I’ll get you another one.
  53. Great, now my manager is going to assume that I fucked it up, even though I didn’t… fucking people suck
  54. CAN EVERYONE JUST CALM DOWN FOR A SECOND AND LET ME CATCH MY BREATH
  55. How is one human expected to take care of 8 tables at once when they’re all on the same fucking part of the meal?!
  56. Oh, you need more bread? Really? You NEED more bread? You know whoneeds bread, sir? THE STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA NOT YOUR OVERWEIGHT ASS.
  57. Let me check on table 56…
  58. Sir, is everything okay with your salad? Oh… you don’t eat pork? Well, the description of the salad does say it has bacon bits in it…. I’ll just get you a new one.
  59. WHO THE DIRTY FUCK ORDERS A SALAD WITH BACON BITS IN IT IF THEY DON’T EAT PORK
  60. Fuck this.
  61. I hate people.
  62. Oh, table 90 is really sweet though.
  63. Old people are so cute.
  64. They left me 12%…
  65. Thank god we pool tips!
  66. I’m so sweaty.
  67. Like, it’s not normal to sweat this much.
  68. I haven’t peed in 6 hours
  69. MY LAST TABLE IS ON DESSERTS
  70. I might actually get to go out tonight with friends…
  71. Alright.. it’s 10:56…the kitchen is closing in 4 minutes…
  72. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!DO. NOT. SEAT. THAT. COUPLE.
  73. Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuu, hostesss!
  74. GUESS I’M NOT GOING OUT TONIGHT
  75. Whatever, at least now I won’t have to do the side work.. there’s 9 other people who can do it.
  76. Of course there’s no one else in the dining room… our restaurant is closed
  77. Oh, haha, no, of course you’re not holding me up for anything important.
  78. It’s not like I’m a human being or anything, assfuck.
  79. God, I’m exhausted.
  80. For god sakes, how long does it take to eat a salad?!
  81. If that girl has another Cosmo I’m more than positive she’s going to die.. She’s like 45 pounds wet… and, ate one lettuce leaf…. I can’t serve her again
  82. …. Alcohol does bring up the tab though….
  83. No, I can’t… I have to have some sort of moral compass…
  84. Oh, you want another drink… okay!
  85. What’s one more drink going to do?
  86. AMENNNNN! They are leaving! It’s only midnight… I can still go out…
  87. You know what… I’m just exhausted… I’m going to go home and sleep
  88. ::texts friends::
  89. I don’t understand why they don’t want to hang out on Monday! Oh, because they have “work the next day”… god, everyone’s getting so old.
  90. I made $250 for 5 hours of work… No complaints here.

Sourced from thoughtcatalog.com

 

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28 Things I Learned While Working For Lululemon Athletica

Lululemon Athletica
Lululemon Athletica

I worked at the infamous Lululemon Athletica for a year and a half. I learned more than I ever wanted to know about human nature and of course, sheer stretchy pants. Not all of this happened to me, but I have seen this first hand.

1. Every company has bad apples. The trouble with Lululemon is that they’re easily disguised in smiles, pretty faces and small talk. You don’t find out about the general two- faced problem with managers until it’s too late.

2. When dealing with a bad apple, agree with everything they say or else they will make your life a living hell. To the point where you leave a company that you once loved. My store manager regularly accused me of doing and saying things that I never said and it got too exhausting to handle. She even smiled when I started crying.

3. Lululemon has it’s own language and if you don’t speak it fluently, good luck being accepted by the people who hired you. People who can speak it really well and actually believe in it are termed “Lululicous”.

4. If you’re male, childhood friends with your boss and/or a suck up, you’ll climb that ladder no matter what. Internal promotions are usually based solely on likeability with your boss, and in a company that is 95% women, it’s all about whether you can tow the line safely.

5. Virtually every internal promotion occurs because someone is friends with the regional manager, store manager, or assistant store manager.

6. You won’t get promoted if you’re friends with the sales associates. I have been encouraged many a time to cut social ties with the people I work with in order to have a shot at growing in the company.

7. A store manager actually got away with paying their sister in law 25% more than the rest of us. They can alter your pay based on how much they like you. Usually they tweak pay according to likeability during score card season, but it also happens when they first hire you.

8. A different store manager didn’t like one of the floor managers under them and changed meetings to mornings because she couldn’t go at that time for medical reasons. She then was told that she didn’t fit her role as a floor manager and should step down.

9. Store Managers change every 6 months. It’s a stressful job but usually they just get promoted or fired. A customer service associate (or “educator”) who had been at the store for 5 years told me that she didn’t care who came or went- she always outlives management and just needs to be under their radar.

10. They can accuse you of giving a bad customer service experience even when there are no customers in the store. It doesn’t even matter if the logic is flawed- they’ll find a way to make you leave if they don’t want you there. It’s called being “coached out” in Lululemon terms.

11. Sexual harassment isn’t their concern if you’ve left the company because of it. In fact, if you’re male and saying gross things to other employees its more likely to BENEFIT you than anything else- you’ll likely get transferred to a different store where you’re promoted a month later (this indeed happened much to the dismay of the good apples in the company). They value straight males above any other type of employee- having a penis is like a constant “get out of jail” free card.  Oh and if you’re the accuser- you’ll be labeled as a trouble maker and someone who engages in “background conversation”.

12. Background conversation (i.e. gossiping) will get you fired. Despite the fact that manager meetings consist mostly of background conversations about their employees. It’s rephrased as “discussing their development”.  They’ll discuss your personal life, who you’re friends with in the store- even how many dogs your mother has. All on company time.

13. We don’t sell clothes, we “educate.” It’s background conversation to openly say that you don’t like a product. It’s also background conversation to mention that you need more hours to another coworker.

14. During a morning meeting, the manager will mention what clothes fit who well, and what won’t work not so well. I once was told that I shouldn’t buy something because I am not a size 6 — in front of 5 other co-workers.

15. If you are a size 6, then you’ll be given free clothes to wear, termed “promotions”.

16. The company attracts amazing people. After a year though, you either leave or try to become a manager. There aren’t many people who stay without wanting to get promoted.

17. Head office cares. Free treats, great health benefits, free fitness classes- you name it, they’ll do it for you. The trouble is that head office doesn’t get to see the horrible things that managers get away with.

18. If you miss talking to a guest, you’ll get called out on it by a manager. But only if they don’t like you.

19. I was once told that I am allowed to question store processes but not challenge them. Still not clear on what the difference is.

20. It is completely up to one managers sole discretion on whether they hire you back, transfer you or how they discuss you to another store. And they’ll smile at you regardless of whether they give you a bad reference or not. Although, usually they don’t get back to you at all if they don’t like you.

21. Lululemon will do almost anything for their customers. You are also more likely to get what you want if you’re rude as opposed to nice because we have to say yes whenever the customer gets openly upset. It costs the company more to say no initially in the store and deal with a store complaint at the head office than to just say yes. Nevermind the fact that this customer just screamed at you for 15 minutes for no reason other than the fact that they missed their Starbucks- they get what they want.

22. The clothes are actually really cool. They’re overpriced yes, but most of the time, they’re worth your money. I still love how innovative Lululemon is, despite all the scandal.

23. They will pullback product based on quality issues. But then they’ll send the same item to stores 3 months later on a different name. It could be an innocent mistake but I am not so sure.

24. Employees workout at store meetings — it’s really amazing.  Lululemon is ahead of the curve when it comes recognizing how important and related health is to the workplace.

25. Funnily enough, looks aren’t a huge deal once you get hired. I was never asked to put on makeup or do my hair once I worked at Lululemon. They’ll hire less attractive people if they have amazing personalites. It’s not as superficial as everyone thinks. Most of the time, if you feel great and act happy, they don’t hold it against you if you gain weight.

26. While I worked at Lululemon, the majority of my store was unhappy. They complained constantly and then put smiles on as soon as a manager walked up to them. If you’re sensitive and feel empathy, it’s a really hard place to work.

27. No matter how many free workouts you get, if your boss is a bitch, you’ll come home crying everyday anyways.

28. For a lot of people, it is what you make of it. The people who had been working with the company for years never ceased to amaze me in their positivity and nonchalance. It was beaten out of me 6 months in — however, we can all learn something from that attitude.

Sourced from thoughtcatalog.com

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