Don’t use the automated line — press zero to talk to us, especially on Monday morning.

Hand us your empty Rx bottle and inform us you’ll be back in a few minutes for your refill.

Wait until your prescription is paid for THEN hand us a manufacturer coupon.

Hand us a prescription dated several days ago and inform us that you need it right now.

Write a check at the register and take your time doing it like we have nothing else to do.

Act like you’re in a hurry to get your Rx filled THEN after you pay for it you’re no longer in a hurry.

Call and ask to talk to the pharmacist when your request or question can clearly be answered by the technician.

Ask us to ring up a bunch of crap with your prescription because you’re too damn lazy to use our automated check out up front.

Ask me to talk to your doctor on YOUR cell phone. Ewww!

Start talking to me or ask me a question when I’m clearly on the phone.

Ask me to fill another prescription of yours when you just paid for one and there are other people in line.

Ask me for an early refill on your narcotic and give me some bullcrap story. Really, we’ve heard them all.

Tell us there you don’t have new insurance and let us scramble around trying to figure out why your old insurance doesn’t work any more.

Ask me for pharmacy advice then not listen to me.

Ask me a question when I’m helping another patient.

Call the pharmacy and act like we’re the switchboard for the rest of the store.

Ask me to refill your narcotic early. Just don’t, ok?

Ask me to loan you some Percocet and tell me it’s ok because you’re bringing in an Rx from your doctor later in the week.

Write a check. Come on, it’s 2013. Use a debit card, you dolt.

Try to show me your rash, lesion, or wound. We really don’t want to see it.

Ask me why YOUR doctor hasn’t called back on your refill.

Tell me you know that “something” is absolutely true because your neighbor’s brother’s cousin said so.

Tell me you know what you read is absolutely true because you read it on the Internet.

Refer to brand medication as “the real stuff.”

Tell me all I have to do is “slap a label” on your medicine.

Write on your prescription. DON’T DO THAT.

Tell me your prescription is cheaper somewhere else. If that’s true, GO THERE.

Ask me where the bathroom is. Come on, the store is not that big. You can find it.

Tell me I “never work anymore” when I’ve been here 40+ hours a week.

Ask me for anything recommended by that quack Dr. Oz. The man is a loon.

Ask me for anything “homeopathic.”

Ask me for the “best” of anything. Of course we’re going to recommend the best. Duh.

Say you have to have brand because you’re allergic to generic.

Say you have to have brand because our generic “didn’t do anything” for you.

Say you must have a specific generic manufacturer.

Ask me for advice when you get your medication filled at our competitor across the street.

Ask me for something in the store that’s not pharmacy related, at all. No, I don’t know where the [insert anything non-pharmacy related here] is located.

Ask me for a kleenex, use it, then leave it on the counter.

Ask me to scan your club card AFTER the transaction is complete.

Hand me your Medicaid card while holding car keys for a Mercedes, Lexus, or some other fancy car. I drive an old beat-up Camry.

Hand me your Medicard card then come up to pay for your prescription later with a Starbucks in your hand.

Hand me your Medicaid card and act like that means we’re supposed to ignore all other pharmacy patrons and have your Rx ready in 30 seconds.

Call the pharmacy and ask to be transferred to another department. We’re NOT a switchboard.

Stare at me through the glass while I’m filling your prescription.

Go stand at the register and stare at me after I’ve told you it’s going to be 15-20 minutes before your Rx is ready. We have an expensive waiting room. USE IT.

Press zero to talk to the pharmacy when our automated line tells you we have an Rx ready for you. Just come and get it or don’t come and get it. We don’t need to hear from you. Either you pick it up, or if you don’t, we will return it to stock. DON’T BOTHER US.

Call to tell me you need an Rx filled that YOU know is already on auto-refill. OMgosh that’s annoying.

Authorize a refill to be picked up later in the day then show up in an hour to get it.

Keep calling the pharmacy WHEN I’ve TOLD YOU I WILL CALL YOU when your refill is authorized.

Ask me to fill a prescription for you on the spot because you’re a prescriber and you need a Z-pack while you’re in town.

Ask me to break the law for you in any way as a favor. I’m not going to lose my job for you, sorry.