What Every Server Thinks During Every Shift
- Alright, it’s a Friday… it’s going to be a good night.
- Wait; there are only 90 on the books?
- Our first reservation isn’t until 6:45…
- Alright, I guess I’ll polish.
- Why are there 10 waiters on right now?
- I’m glad I’m the only one polishing…
- No, it’s cool, we only have a pooled house… it’s fine that I’ll make no money tonight.
- I’m hungry…
- Would it be entirely inappropriate to drink before our tables get here?
- The bartender looks hot tonight… (editors note: this applies if it’s a male or female bartender)
- I wish I were the bartender… they don’t have to pool their tips…
- Alright, it’s 6:00….
- SOMEONE JUST PARKED IN THE LOT… yes!
- I’m still hungry…
- Oh, no… it’s an old couple…
- Ill let someone else take that table…
- At least we have a party of 12 coming in…
- I’m so bored.
- Do I have a table yet?
- Every other section has a table but me…
- Thank god we pool tips; at this rate I’ll make nothing
- I’m still hungry…
- I’m just going to eat one roll…
- I’m just going to have ONE MORE roll…
- Why did the hostess just double seat me…
- There’s 40 other open tables in other sections…
- Does she have a vendetta against me?
- No, no! DO NOT BRING THOSE OLD PEOPLE TO MY SECTION
- Oh, you dirty bitch… what is this mind game you’re playing with me, HOSTESS?
- Time to put on the fake smile and talk to people
- Oh, okay… you need another moment, let me just go to another tab… oh, you just want me to stand here while you make up your mind.. cool
- So, you want the porterhouse for 4, even though there’s only 2 of you?
- Yes? Okay, I’ll bring out a whole cow for you.
- Okay, time for the old people…
- Oh, you can’t hear me? Well, I’m talking AS LOUD AS I CAN WITHOUT DISTRUBING THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT
- So, you want the chopped salad, but without cucumbers, peppers, avocado, and tomato… and no dressing?
- So, you just want cheese and lettuce?
- IS THAT HOSTESS COMING TO MY SECTION WITH A FIVE TOP?
- SHE IS LUCKY “THE PURGE” IS JUST A MOVIE BECAUSE SHE WOULD BE FIRST ON MY LIST
- I really like her outfit though.
- Ugh, it’s so unfair that she gets to wear such cute outfits and here I am in this frumpy waiters uniform
- I need a cigarette.
- Did she just bring CHILDREN INTO MY SECTION
- I fucking hate children
- Oh, no ma’am… it’s totally okay that your child just threw a French fry at my face with ketchup on it… Maybe he’ll be a baseball player with that aim! Haha… not.
- Maybe, instead of handing your kid an iPad and ignoring it all day, YOU CAN TEACH IT SOME MANNERS
- Seriously, cut my eggs out now because I do not want to be like those people.
- Oh fuck, my food is up for table 45… I’ll just let the runner bring it out.
- Oh, woops, I forgot to ring in their second drink… I’ll do it in a second…
- Let me see how their meal is…
- Well, miss, you ordered a filet WELL DONE… of course there’s no “red”
- I’ll get you another one.
- Great, now my manager is going to assume that I fucked it up, even though I didn’t… fucking people suck
- CAN EVERYONE JUST CALM DOWN FOR A SECOND AND LET ME CATCH MY BREATH
- How is one human expected to take care of 8 tables at once when they’re all on the same fucking part of the meal?!
- Oh, you need more bread? Really? You NEED more bread? You know whoneeds bread, sir? THE STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA NOT YOUR OVERWEIGHT ASS.
- Let me check on table 56…
- Sir, is everything okay with your salad? Oh… you don’t eat pork? Well, the description of the salad does say it has bacon bits in it…. I’ll just get you a new one.
- WHO THE DIRTY FUCK ORDERS A SALAD WITH BACON BITS IN IT IF THEY DON’T EAT PORK
- Fuck this.
- I hate people.
- Oh, table 90 is really sweet though.
- Old people are so cute.
- They left me 12%…
- Thank god we pool tips!
- I’m so sweaty.
- Like, it’s not normal to sweat this much.
- I haven’t peed in 6 hours
- MY LAST TABLE IS ON DESSERTS
- I might actually get to go out tonight with friends…
- Alright.. it’s 10:56…the kitchen is closing in 4 minutes…
- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!DO. NOT. SEAT. THAT. COUPLE.
- Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk youuuuuuuu, hostesss!
- GUESS I’M NOT GOING OUT TONIGHT
- Whatever, at least now I won’t have to do the side work.. there’s 9 other people who can do it.
- Of course there’s no one else in the dining room… our restaurant is closed
- Oh, haha, no, of course you’re not holding me up for anything important.
- It’s not like I’m a human being or anything, assfuck.
- God, I’m exhausted.
- For god sakes, how long does it take to eat a salad?!
- If that girl has another Cosmo I’m more than positive she’s going to die.. She’s like 45 pounds wet… and, ate one lettuce leaf…. I can’t serve her again
- …. Alcohol does bring up the tab though….
- No, I can’t… I have to have some sort of moral compass…
- Oh, you want another drink… okay!
- What’s one more drink going to do?
- AMENNNNN! They are leaving! It’s only midnight… I can still go out…
- You know what… I’m just exhausted… I’m going to go home and sleep
- ::texts friends::
- I don’t understand why they don’t want to hang out on Monday! Oh, because they have “work the next day”… god, everyone’s getting so old.
- I made $250 for 5 hours of work… No complaints here.
Sourced from thoughtcatalog.com
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