The Ultimate List Of Cashier Hates

Enjoy and feel free to comment if you think I have forgotten any important ones. 

1. CELL PHONES

Oh, you can’t hear what I’m saying to you? Maybe you should put your damn phone down for a minute. Just a thought…

2. TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE IN LINE

Hi. Do you remember me? The guy who is ringing everything up for you? Could you acknowledge my presence for a minute or two?

3. THROWING ITEMS

That package came open and you don’t understand why you have to wait for another one? Maybe it’s because of the way you were throwing everything on the belt. Maybe just maybe this is ALL YOUR FAULT!

4. PUTTING THINGS BACK

You don’t need this? Ok. (Fifteen minutes later) I’m noticing that half of your cart is going back. You are seriously inept when it comes to basic math. Please don’t come back. Ever. Because I know you’re going to do this every time you come in.

5. “I CAN’T FIND MY CARD, BUT I KNOW IT’S IN HERE SOMEWHERE!”

No it’s not. Just give up and move on.

6. COUPONS THAT DON’T SCAN

You couldn’t have used coupons that actually scan like they are supposed to? There goes another fifteen minutes of my life that I won’t get back.

7. “WAIT UNTIL I HAVE EVERYTHING UNLOADED.”

There are four people behind you in line and nobody in front and you need me to wait for you to have everything unloaded? And your arm is in a sling? F.M.L.

8. ASKING THE PRICE ON EVERY ITEM

B****, if you ask me the price on one more item, I will cut you. Asking about one or two items was fine, but now you’re pushing it.

9. GIVING THE CASHIER COUPONS AFTER THE ORDER

Oh you had coupons? That’s nice. Try mentioning them before I cash out the order?

10.MULTIPLE ORDERS ON THE EXPRESS LANE

Breaking one large order into three smaller orders is not a loophole in the policy. Not only have you ignored the sign and inconvenienced the people behind you, but now I think you’re an asshole to boot! Way to go, slugger.

11.MORE THAN THE ALOTTED NUMBER OF ITEMS AT THE EXPRESS LANE

Really, you only have twelve items? The register counted thirty-five.

I’m fairly certain that basic counting is part of the elementary school curriculum. So you’re either stupid or blind; probably both.

12.CARD SWIPES

I see that you have at least a dozen credit cards in your wallet and for some reason you still don’t know how to properly swipe a card. Let me help you because clearly you’re an idiot.

13.COMPLETELY IGNORING THE CASHIER WHEN HE/SHE SPEAKS

Why hello there captain high and mighty. You’re too good to speak to me? You and your belly shirt, bulging tattooed breasts, and filthy neglected children are above me? Ok. Clearly I don’t know my place so I’ll just be quiet now and not ask for anything that may save you money…like a store card.

14.PAYING FOR EVERYTHING IN CHANGE

Are you serious right now? You are seriously giving me fifteen dollars in nickels, dimes, and pennies. Do you know who I am? I’m your executioner if you waste another twenty minutes of my time counting it out.

15.“I FORGOT SOMETHING/I JUST NEED ONE MORE THING.”

Woman, there are three people behind you in line right now and you have the nerve to take off for a can of tuna? I’m not going to be the one to explain why they have to wait for you and if they decide to lynch you for your crimes, so be it.

16.UNABLE TO SPEAK THE NATIVE LANGUAGE

It really is hard to learn a new language, but if we cannot understand each other enough to make it through one grocery order there is a serious problem here and it’s not on my end. Get your shit together.

17.“I’M IN A HURRY.”

That’s nice. I’m gay. I’m glad we got that out in the open. Maybe you shouldn’t be buying a cartload of groceries if you’re in a hurry because chances are that it could take a little bit to ring it all up and bag it. Please excuse me while I go slower.

18.“THESE BAGS ARE TOO HEAVY. I CAN’T CARRY THEM.”

If your arms had a weight limit, you probably should have said something before I bagged everything.

19.“ARE YOU WAITING FOR ME?”

Actually I’m waiting for the end of my shift or my untimely death; whichever comes first. So please do me a favor and wipe that smirk off your face.

20.GOING TO A CLOSED REGISTER

Not only is my light off, but the closed sign is up as well. Am I open? Are you blind or just stupid?

21.EATING SCALED ITEMS BEFORE THEY ARE WEIGHED

Put the grape down and nobody gets hurt. You do realize that you are stealing right now, right? The total price comes from the weight of the item. How are you not getting this?

22.“ARE YOU OPEN?”

No. I’m standing here behind this register while the light is on for no reason whatsoever. You are so astute that I am in awe of your brilliance.

23.“CAN YOU PUT THE COLD ITEMS TOGETHER?”

Duh?!

24.“THE SIGN SAID…”

No it didn’t.

25.HANDING THE CASHIER A CARD AFTER IT HAS BEEN IN YOUR MOUTH

As if your card isn’t disgusting enough with caked on crud from being in your pocket; now it has your saliva to boot! I definitely needed to meet my germ quota for the day. Yes I plan on sanitizing my hands the moment I hand it back to you and no I don’t care if you’re offended.

26.DECIDING THAT YOU HAVE YOUR OWN BAGS AFTER THE ORDER HAS BEEN BAGGED

Customer: I had my own bags.

Are you serious right now? If you had your own bags why didn’t you give them to me? Am I supposed to read your mind? No. Get your shit together.

27.LIFE STORIES

I am not a bartender or your therapist. I do not need to know about the restraining order you had placed on your alcoholic son because he threatened the new ‘man’ in your life. All I need to know is how you will be paying and when you will be leaving because I’m already sick of you.

28.PLACING YOUR BASKET ON THE BELT AND EXPECTING THE CASHIER TO EMPTY IT

Oh no you didn’t…The basket goes in the same spot it has gone every other time you have come in. I don’t get paid to take the things out of it. Empty your things onto the belt the normal way or I’ll dump them out and see how well your tomatoes survive the fall.

29.A SIMPLE HELLO

I’m not asking for much. I don’t need us to be best friends; I just want you to acknowledge me as a person. A hello would suffice.

30.NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU ARE BUYING

Me: What kind of apple is this?

Customer: I don’t know.

You really have no idea what kind of apple you are buying right now? I think I hate you.

31.COLD ITEMS LEFT OUT

Yeah I just saw what you did there so don’t act like you’re innocent. On what planet is it ok for you to leave a cold item somewhere because you don’t want it? Stop being an inconsiderate asshole and give me the damn cheese. That wasn’t so hard now was it?

32.“BUT I GAVE YOU…”

Sir, I guarantee you that you gave me a five dollar bill. I even said “out of five” so I’m not understanding where the confusion is.

33.WHISTLING/SNAPPING AT THE CASHIER

Honey, don’t you snap at me unless you want to lose a finger.

34.PLACING EVERYTHING ON THE END OF THE BELT

The entire belt is empty and there is nobody in front of you, yet you choose to only put things on the end of it and wait for it to move. How very curious…

35.STEALING PENS

B****, consider me the bank and this pen is a LOAN. When you say borrow I expect it back.

36.EXCESSIVE WET/PRODUCE BAGS

I’m at a loss for why every single one of your items including the cereal box is in a produce bag. Does a dry product leak on your planet? You realize that it will take me twice as long to scan everything now, right?

37.COUGHING/SNEEZING ON YOUR MONEY

I already thought you were disgusting and now you have proven me right once again. Thank you for that…and my new cold.

38.“THEY LET ME DO IT LAST TIME…”

No they didn’t.

39.CRINKLED MONEY

Holy mother of God, I would hate to see what your house looks like…

40.MINIMAL CLOTHING

You are a grown man wearing short shorts and a belly shirt. Today I saw parts of you that I never wanted to see and now I feel violated. Thank you for that.

41.USING THE CASHIER’S NAME REPEATEDLY

I’m sure that one of your self-help books told you to use someone’s name to receive better service, which was fine until you decided to use it ten times in a three minute span. You are creepy and now I feel like I need to change my name. Stop it.

42.DOUBLE BAGGING

Can I double bag it? I can, but I’m not understanding why you need a single loaf of bread double bagged.

43.ROAMING HANDS

Is the grocery store really the best place to be sticking your hands down your pants? Probably not. I’m sure he’s still there; there’s no need to double check.

44.ARGUING OVER WHO PAYS THE BILL

You couldn’t have decided beforehand who is paying the bill? One of you needs to shut up and pay me before I lose it.

45.“THERE’S NO WAY IT CAME TO THAT MUCH/THE TOTAL CAN’T BE RIGHT.”

Your groceries were added up by a computer calculator. Have you ever known a calculator to be wrong? I didn’t think so.

46.PUTTING ITEMS ON THE BELT WHILE THE CASHIER IS CLEANING IT

I’m fairly certain I asked you to wait a moment while I cleaned up the chicken juice from the last customer. So why is it that you are placing your fruits on a counter soaked with cleaner?

47.UNCONTROLLED CHILDREN

Your child is playing with the register, throwing things, and screaming obscenities. Here’s a thought: try parenting for a minute. It might do both of you some good.

48.THROWING THE MONEY

It’s really not that difficult to hand me the money. In fact it’s even considered polite in most places. Why not try it for a change?

49.“I HAVE THE CHANGE.”

You could have mentioned that BEFORE I cashed out the order.

50.SHOPPING UNTIL CLOSE

It is 10:00PM on a Monday night and you are buying two carts worth of groceries? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!

51.CONTINUING TO SHOP AFTER THE CLOSING TIME

You didn’t hear the five announcements we made? I call bullshit on that. Contrary to popular belief I would like to go home sometime tonight.

52.LEAVING ITEMS WITHOUT TELLING THE CASHIER

An item magically appeared on my register. Watch me magically make it disappear because you didn’t have the decency to tell me you were leaving it there for a few minutes to grab other items. Or here’s a thought: grab a basket!

53.FOODSTAMP WARS

You just checked your balance and you KNOW you have enough? How very interesting because when I check your balance it says zero. Stop wasting my time.

54.MOIST MONEY

I already have no idea where your money has been and now I am extremely concerned about touching it.

55.“THEY LET ME DO IT AT…”

Aww. They do? That’s really nice of them. Why don’t you go there from now on?

56.CUTTING PEOPLE IN LINE

You and I both know that you were not the next person in line so why don’t you go back to your spot and stop thinking the world revolves around you.

57.BLAMING THE CASHIER FOR A PRICE ERROR

I ring things up and bag them. I don’t control the prices. I already apologized for something that wasn’t even my fault. What more do you want from me? My first born?

58.COMPLAINTS AT THE REGISTER

Woman, this is not the complaint department. There is a reason we have a customer service desk. Use it.

59.SCREAMING/HITTING YOUR KIDS IN LINE

If your child is being unruly enough for you to take things to this level, you need to leave the store and deal with it because I sure as hell will not stand by while you hit your child in that manner.

60.PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION

Aww. You’re in love. That’s nice. Can you take your tongue out of his mouth for a moment so we can finish the order? I don’t need to watch your foreplay.

 

Sourced from colormechris.com